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I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles

AT HOME -- Darren Mabry wants to quit, he really does. He's tried before, but the cravings are unceasing. There just doesn't seem to be a solution out there to help him with his addiction--an addiction to bubble blowing.

Darren has been hooked on "the blow" since he was introduced to it at a party--a birthday party for his young son's friend.

"After the first few breaths I was hooked," admitted Darren. "I was fascinated by the bubbles; I was mesmerized by the way they moved. I couldn't stop! I would go through bottle after bottle, and then when I ran out, I would mix my own...using Sunlight and warm water."

Darren's bubble-blowing habit is now up to 2 litres a day, costing him almost $1.29 a day for his soapy satisfaction.

CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE

The Toque is a humour/satire magazine published every week here on the Internet. We strive to write the most outrageously ordinary material, bringing you the maximum amount of laughter with the least amount of effort.

All of our stories are original and written by our own staff, without the assistance of drugs, alcohol, or banned sugar substitutes.

We encourage you to write us and tell us what you think of our site. Let us know if you have any suggestions, opinions, words of encouragement, or if you just to want to tell us we've left our turn signal on.

Yes, we're aware that we're not The Onion, but I'm sure they get the same comparisons to us.

Thanks for reading and come back as often as you like. Tell a friend, post a link, buy a t-shirt, and always remember that a toque is more than just a frickin' hat.

Finding Time Away From The Computer

ON THE COMPUTER-- Norman Leiter has been spending far too much time on his computer this summer. Norman, 18, has been in front of his machine for at least 10 hours a day, surfing the Internet, chatting with friends in IRC, and playing mind-numbing games in Pogo.

Norman's dad is fed up with these activities. He thinks that Norman should be outdoors, playing sports and getting some air.

He decided to put a stop to it by confronting his computer-addicted son.

"But dad, I'm on this website learning about quantum genealogy, the study of family paradoxes," said Norman. "You know the theory that if you took a time machine into the past and killed your grandfather..."

"I think I can help you learn more about that," said Dad. "If you don't get outside and mow the lawn in the next ten minutes, you'll wish you'd never been born."

Denise Richards Has Never Really Been In Your Pool Has She!?

IN MY DREAMS-- I know that In your fantasies, Denise Richards, sexy star of Starship Troopers, and Wild Things slowly walks out of your swimming pool--dripping wet. Sometimes she's wearing a bikini, a wrap, or maybe just a towel. Sometimes she's not wearing anything at all!

But that picture you've been circulating around the Internet isn't really yours is it? That's not your pool that Denise is stepping out of, is it?

Now Jennifer Jason-Leigh, I could believe. She's cute and down-to-earth. But Denise Richards? Please, your credibility is waning by the second. Besides, she's married, and Charlie Sheen would probably kick your ass first, and then toss you and your camera into the deep end.