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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
BENEATH THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS-- It took thirty-five years to dig, drill, blast, and carve, but at last the Rocky Mountain Tunnel is complete, and convenient travel between Alberta and British Columbia can begin. The massive underground project, which began in the late 1960s, has opened the doors to commerce between two provinces divided by nature.
Before the tunnel was built, the only way to get trade goods between the two regions was using mule trains along the narrow and treacherous Roger's Pass. Originally a goat trail, the barely manageable path allowed only limited trade and caused many deaths. But now, wheat, oil, timber, fish and beef products will be able to be traded freely--without fear of avalanches, treacherous peaks, or dangerous mountain trolls. Until the tunnel's completion, the only other route had been through the American state of Montana (14 thousand kilometres to the south), but cross-border traffic discouraged all but the most desperate of traders. Air travel, while useful for people, was not an effective method for transporting goods over the mountains. During the 1950s the British Columbian government experimented with a flotilla of dirigibles, but they proved to be unsafe. Many of the mountain tops were too high and airships were forced to ascend to a point where the gasses inside expanded until they burst the balloons, spilling precious salmon paté and other goods over the Canadian icefields. The transportation benefits should immediately be realized. Tourism will obviously improve in B.C., as curious Albertans have never seen the Pacific Ocean, nor any body of water for that matter. And British Columbians, now with access to the rest of the nation, should be able to have their voices heard. (The Rocky Mountain range had long separated British Columbia from the rest of Canada, preventing them from proper representation in government. Before the development of commercial air travel, members of parliament had to travel by steamer from the Port of Vancouver, down through the Panama Canal, up the Atlantic Coast to the St. Lawrence River, and from there through to the Rideau River and the nation's capital of Ottawa.) Why did it take so long for this engineering achievement? Several attempts had been made to build a tunnel in the past, but all were abandoned. In the early 1900s changes to the labour code prevented Chinese-Canadians from blowing-up tunnel rock with nitro-glycerine. Subsequently, Saskatchewan residents were used for the task, but most of them thought the liquid explosive was a form of moonshine. In 1914 all Canadian males were drafted into service in the Great War, but none survived, leaving an obvious hole in the labour pool. The project was discontinued until 1968, when giant atomic robots became affordable and expendable, thus making the project feasible. The
tunnel which starts in Fernie, BC, and ends in Pincher Creek, AB, is two
lanes for most of its length. High-tech lighting is provided by genetically
modified mushrooms, and there is a small rest area at the half-way point.
Future plans for the tunnel include a mini-mall, a mountain hotel, and
a currency exchange for those wishing to convert their money into Albertan
or British Columbian dollars.
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