 |
 | |||
|
|
| |||
|
|
 |
 |
||||||||||||||||||
| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR WEINER DOG HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
AT THE TRACK --If you've never held the controls of a modified weiner-dog racer, you can't know the feeling of exhilaration you get when that puppy crosses the finish line, beating his competition by a wet nose. Weiner-dog racing is all the rage, and racing enthusiasts can't spend enough time at the track with their remote-controlled dachshunds.
Weiner-dog racing kits are available at most hobby stores. For under $75, a kit will modify your pet into a road-hugging racer with an aluminum chasis, 12 volt electric motor, remote device, and mind-controlling headset. The dogs have a 5 dp (dogpower, equal to about .05 hp) motor, Progressive Rate Suspension, and of course rear-wheel drive. They'll get about 3 hours of use from the 9 volt battery (don't ask where it's mounted), and the dogs get about 2 miles per Snausage (m/ps). But what about the animals? The weiner-dogs love being part of the sport! Hyper to begin with, the cute little doggies enjoy the exercise, and the thrill of running really, really fast. A top-end race kit can get your weiner-dog running at speeds up to 35 kmh (25 mph). "I love racing these puppies," said Gary Weimar, an amateur enthusiast. "Doggy drag racing, puttin' the poodle to the metal, it's what it's all about."
Other canines are compatible with the kits (poodles, chihuahuas, shih-tzus), but weiner-dogs are considered to make the best remote-controlled racers. "They're the low-riders of the canine world," said Gary. "They hug the road like an Indy car, reducing wind drag and making them more stable. Plus they look so bloody cute wearing those little fitted helmets." "I had a terrier racer once," continued Gary, "but I pooched it while going around an 'S' curve. He slid in a piddle puddle and almost rolled. Since then I've gone with the weiner dogs and haven't looked back." To many, weiner-dog racing is more than a hobby. "People sometimes consider them toys," said Gary, "but let me tell you--I once raced this greyhound. Yah, I was doggin' it for the first couple of laps, but as soon as I put that puppy into overdrive the greyhound was choking on its dust--and the rubber burning off the little tires." With treaded snow-tires and miniature skis, weiner-dog racing in the winter is just as much fun. "Oh
I love 'dasching' through the snow," said Gary. "You just have
to watch out and make sure the dogs don't get lost in a snowbank, lose
control on black ice, or stick their noses on to a metal signpost."
|
|||||||||||||||||||
 |
|
||||||||||||||||||
| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
| Tell us what you thought. Visit our Message Boards. | HOME | DISCLAIMER | ABOUT US | Copyright 2005-2001 The Toque Entertainment. |
