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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR RELIGIOUS HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
How would you like to collect $1,000,000 for yourself? Who wouldn't? Surprisingly, most people just don't believe it's possible. But it isn't just possible, it can be as easy as opening the Bible to your favourite chapter and verse. The secret is in knowing how to read the Holy Word. Over many years of diligent research, I have scientifically discovered Keys of Understanding--keys, that, if correctly applied to any verse in the Holy Book, will reveal God's personal message to you. Some skeptics will claim that books written 2,000 years ago can not possibly contain a personalized message from God directly to you, and only you. These skeptics can not possibly fathom the infinite grace, subtlety and intelligence that God has used to write not only the Literal and True history of the Jewish people, as well as the Passion of our Lord Jesus Christ, but to also encode, within each book--within each chapter and verse--specific and very clear instructions to you and me on how to gain wealth, improve your health and increase your energy. It's true! We simply don't have the space here to go through all the complex formulas and decoding patterns used in the Keys of Understanding, but let me tantalize you with a few sample transcriptions. The Book of Jonah, in the Old Testament, is of course the true story of the prophet Jonah who has a series of adventures. But hidden inside is the Lord's message to you on how you can collect, with little effort, one million dollars. How does this work? Chapter one, verse 3 reads: "Jonah set out in the opposite direct in order to get away from the Lord." Using the Keys of Understanding, a series of refined, mathematical and scientifically proven algorithms, we can decode this to say: "This is your invitation to a brilliant and incredible wealth creating income opportunity." Verse 15 reads: "Then they picked Jonah up and threw him into the sea, and it calmed down at once." Applying the Keys of Understanding we now read this as: "Your money is created by an ingenious and perfectly legitimate system which channels capital through our other members." Are you getting excited? I sure am. I'll leave
you with this tantalizing tidbit from Jonah, chapter 3, verse 6, as interpreted
by the Keys of Understanding: "It's all done automatically. There
are hundreds of millions of people waiting to send you money
Evan Gilleste's Biblical Archive
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| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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Biblical
Prophecy: How To Make It Work For You
