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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR TATTOO HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
JUST DOWN THE STREET -- Have you ever considered getting a tattoo, but were too afraid to commit to having that artwork, design, or message permanently etched into your skin? Rub-on tattoo artists thrive off of the people who want the empowerment of a tattoo, but don't want the permanence. Because of the fickle nature of indecisive would-be permanent tattoo patrons, rub-on tattoo parlours are enjoying some success in the inking industry.
"We get all the business that walks past the real tattoo parlours," said Alicia Stone, rub-on tattoo artist. "Those people who are too afraid of needles, those who can't decide what Disney character they want etched into their ankle, or the ones who are too drunk to get a regular tattoo but still want a temporary reminder of their Spring Break booze bash." Rub-on tattoo parlours get the customers who want to be daring and bold, but don't want to have it haunt them for a lifetime. "We also get a lot of guys with new girlfriends," said Alicia, whose arms, legs, chest, and back are covered with temporary tattoos. "They want to impress the chicks by putting their name somewhere on their body, a symbol of their undying love, but because of the fragility of modern relationships, they don't want that lifetime commitment." Alicia emphasizes that rub-on tattoos are mostly painless, compared to the nigh-intolerable pain levels inflicted by "those medieval torture studios that burn their images into your tender skin like a red-hot brand on an Angus steer." "Sometimes, with a large or older transfer I have to rub a little harder, and so the skin can turn a bit reddish, but it's no more than what you'd get washing with a loofah sponge," she said, not admitting her own fear of loofah sponges. Rex Banter is another rub-on tattoo artist who enjoys the freedom that rub-on tattoos give him. "It's so much more flexible than real tattooing," he said. "And it's so forgiving as a medium. So what if I make a mistake? I'll just rub it off and try again. No risk there. No angry clients, no death threats because I misspelled the name of some biker's bitch, a name that he probably had laser-removed two weeks later because 'Angila' found him shaking his hula girl at some other slut. Not that that has ever happened." "And the best thing about this job?" asked Rex, returning to the subject. "It's got to be all the repeat business!" Clients are definitely pleased with the convenience of rub-on tattoos. "I was out drinking with my buddies," said Arthur Kingston, grad student. "I couldn't remember anything I did that night so I know I had a good time, but when I woke up the next morning I had a huge tattoo of a cuddly pink teddy bear across my shoulders. Fortunately, it was a rub-on tattoo. Man, that would've been something I regretted my whole life, instead of regretting it for only two weeks." For people who really do regret their temporary tattoo, both Alicia and Rex's studios also offer a tattoo removal service, using pumice and a secret exfoliating mixture of soaps and rejuvenating plant fibres. Alicia's store also provides clip-on jewelry for people too scared to get a real nose or belly-button ring. Overall, Alicia is positive about the future of rub-on tattooing.
"Yes, we have to compete with dollar-store knock-offs, henna studios,
and cereal box decals," she said, "but if you want a first-rate
temporary tattoo that you can appreciate for five or six days, then you
come to the rub-on tattoo parlour."
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| This fictional story about temporary tattoos is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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