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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
Hello, my name is Frank Herschel, otherwise known to a trembling world (1971 to 1978) as Captain Electro. In my long and frightening reign of terror--twice awarded the coveted "Most Likely to Take Over the World" award by the Academie des Mechants in Geneva--I've had my periods where I've felt lonely and afraid. Luckily, for several of those black moments I could always count on the support of my colleagues in FEAR: Four Evil and Awful Revolutionaries. How can you create your own support group of dastardly evildoers? The problems are considerable. Regular readers of my column will remember that I regularly drill in the fact that you are the most important person, that you come first, that it's all about you, your wishes, your needs, your diabolical laugh. Can you imagine trying to put 3, 4, 6 or more super egomaniacs on the same team? The potential for infighting is enormous, but so is the potential of all that evil super genius harnessed towards the same goal. The key is structure and protecting your rights--and back! Start by identifying bad guys whose aims are different from yours. Although you want to take over the world, some costumed creatures only want revenge on people or institutions that have done them wrong. If you aren't competing directly for the same thing you have a much better chance of being able to help and support each other. Another good trick is to pick partners whose strengths are different from yours. When the Plutonium Partridge teamed up with Hydro-Hydra the result was electric. The nuclear capabilities of the Plutonium Partridge combined with the mystical water powers of the Hydro-Hydra were unstoppable. Even Cesium Man couldn't stop them. If it wasn't for the unfortunate run-in with Sulfuric Acid Sam at Chernobyl and the ensuing meltdown they would have probably taken over all of central Asia. A final word of warning: although building a Consortium of Evil can be a powerful way of achieving goals and giving you needed support when you have the blues, don't forget your ultimate goal is to have the entire world trembling under your thumb. Eventually you will have to mercilessly crush your team mates and consign them to oblivion. Start planning for this eventuality early by making detailed notes of their weaknesses, building diabolical torture devices and booby-trapping their secret hideaways and vehicles. Bribe their henchmen so when push comes to shove you'll have the inside track on derailing their ambitions and plans to usurp you. I've been
retired for a few years now, and I am pleased to offer these tips for
the next generation of Evil in its quest to take over the world. A team
of evil can be a useful tool, but don't forget who it's really all about.
Captain Electro's Evil Archive
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| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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A
Step By Step Guide With Former Evil Genius Captain Electro
