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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR NINJA HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
AT THE SECRET NINJA ACADEMY-- Greg White is in his final year at the Ginsu Academy, training to become a lethal killer in the secret art of the Ninja. Greg, 22, hopes to become a Genin or rookie-ranked ninja teamed with a leading syndicate of well-dressed bad guys after he graduates. But right now he is having difficulty finding the time to maintain his deadly studies while holding down two jobs, as well as maintain a healthy social-life with his girlfriend.
Greg needs the jobs to pay for his tuition, food, and rent, and he must graduate this year in order to ultimately fulfill his vendetta and avenge his brother who was brutally murdered in Hong Kong by a sinister smuggling ring. But his goal to become a trained assassin won't be realized if he doesn't pass his final. "It's tough, real tough," said Greg. "People just don't realize how exhausting it is to juggle two part-time jobs and then have a full 6-hour Tai-Jutsu workout on top of that. By the time I fall into bed around 3 in the morning I'm asleep before my poison-tipped darts hit the floor." Some of his fellow students have been aiding Greg. One ninja-trainee "finished-off" a project after Greg was too tired to kill with stealth after pulling a double-shift at the warehouse, and another covered for him after he fell asleep on a rooftop during a diamond-theft excercise. He's also been paying a younger ninja student to iron his shinobi shozoko uniforms, polish his tabi boots, and re-string his longbow. "My classmates have really come through," said Greg. "I owe them all big-time. If I pass, I figure I'll probably have to help out on a number of deadly missions--'cause everyone's got a vendetta, a kidnapped grandfather or ancient treasure or something needing to be recovered." In the meantime Greg has to work on his grades. While his Ninja classmates are getting gold throwing stars for accuracy, Greg is struggling to hit his targets. In stealth class, Greg's teacher referred to Greg as "a bumbling elephant who couldn't sneak his way past an aging enemy who was blind and deaf, while under complete cover of darkness, and wearing a magical cloak of invisibility." Greg choked on his garrotting test, fumbled his way through his mid-term in hand-to-hand combat, and can barely do figure eights with his traditional kusari-gama sickle/chain weapon. Also, because of his already overbooked work and class schedules, he has been shirking his duties with the shuriken club. Despite the lethal challenges facing him, Greg is confident he will eventually pass. "I
just have to sharpen my wits as well as my ninja-to swords to
get past this final semester," said Greg. "With enough Mountain
Dew, caffeine pills, and bamboo tea, I should be able to manage. Then,
after I've got some experience on the job, I'll be able to strike out
on my own and avenge the death of my brother. My life will be complete,
and I'll be able to kick back and spend more time with my girlfriend Amy."
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| This fictional story about ninjas is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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