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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HOCKEY HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
DETROIT-- It's a cold day in professional hockey, much colder than the day that hockey players were found using teflon-coated skate blades. Brett Hull, one of the game's elite players and one of the all-time leading scorers, has been suspended for using a corked hockey stick.
Hull, 37, a member of the National Hockey League's (NHL) Detroit Red Wings, and the 8th highest goal scorer in the NHL all-time, claims it was an accident. "I use that stick for shooting practice," he said, referring to the illegally-modified Sherwood 3000 hockey stick. "During the pre-game warm-up or on commercial breaks I'll use that stick to to put on a show for the fans. I do that by shooting slapshots that ricochet from one end of the rink to the other. I am getting paid to entertain!" Hull is embarrassed about the incident, but he doesn't want to get shafted by the misperceptions of the media. "It's something that I take the blame for," said Hull. "It was an honest mistake...I mean all these sticks look the same. It was my shift so I just grabbed the nearest one and jumped over the boards. I feel sorry for this, and I apologize to everybody." The incident occurred when Hull's stick shattered after one-timing a cross-ice pass from teammate Steve Yzerman. The linesman immediately stopped the play and handed the splinters to the referee. After consulting with off-ice officials, the referee gave Hull a misconduct penalty and threw him out of the game. The National Hockey League Justice Commission has suspended Hull for 12 games, but he has the right to appeal. "It was pretty obvious," said linesman Henri "Stripes" Thibeault. "The whole centre of the stick had been hollowed out, about the size of a looney, and inside it was filled with cork, a performance-enhancing substance. I had no choice but to turn the stick over." Hull's other sticks were confiscated and will be investigated by the NHL. Corked sticks are not permitted in professional hockey. They allegedly allow harder, more accurate shots, which is all fun and games--until someone loses an eye, or more likely their front teeth. Most hockey sticks are made of wood (ash, yew, hickory), aluminum, graphite, or fibreglass. Over 100 years, they have evolved to provide hockey players with better shooting and stickhandling, but hockey stick engineers continue to push the limits in hockey stick technology. Double-ended hockey sticks were outlawed in 1952, and during the 1970s compound yew hockey sticks were banned after several spearing and hooking injuries. "Older players are trying to compensate for the steady loss of velocity on their slapshots," said Wilfred Laurier, a hockey historian. "With so many young players hungry for spots on the team, veterans must do whatever they can to stay in the game. Stick-corking is just one of those tricks." Several other players have been caught using altered sticks in the past, including Rene (The Cucumber) Chicoutimi, "Jet Engine" Willy, and Martin St. DuJour with his infamous "Leafbeater" stick of 1948. DuJour's
hockey stick was little more than a padded cudgel which was finally removed
from play during a 1948 playoff series after the Montreal Canadiens defenseman
knocked-out four Boston Bruins players in one game.
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