 |
 | |||
|
|
| |||
|
|
 |
 |
|||||||||||||||
| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR OLYMPIC GAMES HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
VANCOUVER -- "And the gold medal in snowball tossing goes to...Canada!" Hoping to ride the waves of success from the Olympic Games in Sydney, Barcelona, Atlanta, and Salt Lake City, the Canadian Olympic Federation (COF) is trying to influence the International Olympic Committee (IOC) by having them add more "Canadianized" sports for the 2010 event in Vancouver, British Columbia (Canada).
Canada has a long history of medalling in its own invented sports, previously demonstrated in snowboarding, freestyle ski-jumping, trampolining, rhythmic gymnastics, and ringette, and the Great White North wants to continue that winning tradition. "We're trying to push several creative new sports for 2006, including Wallyball," said Tina Burke, a sports promoter (and former olympic gymnast) for the COF and a member of Sport Canada. "Wallyball is basically volleyball that's played in a racquetball court, and the ball can be bounced off the walls! It'll take the rest of the world at least five years to figure out the nuances of this sport. By that time, Canada will have already pocketed a few medals, and then it's on to the next Canadian-flavoured sport, such as moto-cross soccer, bear-wrestling, or synchronized individual swimming." It seems every time a new sport is added to the Olympic repertoire, Canada already has a marked advantage, mostly because Canadians have been secretly playing it for years prior to its introduction to the world stage. Examples of this can be found with snowboarding and ski-jumping, recent additions to the Winter Olympic program that have been dominated by Canadians. "We're working hard to include more Canadian-dominated sports in 2010," said Burke. "Dog-sledding, ice lacrosse, full-contact curling, and frisbee golf are just a few ideas we're throwing around. If we recommend enough of these obscure sports, the IOC is bound to approve one or two--and then we're shoe-ins for the gold!" Other Canadian Olympics officials are more cautious about the idea. Brian Wilson, a mid-level bureaucrat with a modest income and a conservative lifestyle, believes Canada was intentionally misinformed about some of the new Olympic sports. "Apparently the IOC was jesting when they told us about a few new sports they were thinking of including for the games in Vancouver," said Wilson. "We were told they'd be adding Igloo-building, snowball fighting, and freestyle snow-angelling--but none of these are even legitimate Canadian sports...yet!" In addition, Wilson was told that there would be several other new sports, including snow-shovelling, rink-building, and beer-can crushing. "But after my contact at the IOC told me this he started laughing and slapped me on the back," said Wilson. "So I'm not sure if he was making fun of me or not. Funding may be a problem, although I'm confident we'd still kick international ass in all of these sports." "But honestly, you never know what the IOC will do," said Wilson. "If some European nation can successfully introduce a sport that involves a combination of skiing and rifle-shooting, we should be able to get approval for a good Canadian sport like squirrel-catching, beaver-trapping, or cow-tipping." Enthusiastic
young Canadian athletes, the Olympians of the future, are already training
for bumper-skiing, anticipating the day when it too will be more than just
a demonstration sport.
|
||||||||||||||||
 |
|
|||||||||||||||
| This fictional story about the 2010 Olympics in Whistler is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
| Tell us what you thought. Visit our Message Boards. | HOME | DISCLAIMER | ABOUT US | Copyright 2005-2001 The Toque Entertainment. |
