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The Real Word On The Street

ON THE STREETS-- People have a prejudiced perception of panhandlers--that they're unmotivated wretches that wouldn't know the meaning of a dollar even if the definition was printed on the back of the bill. People think that these street people have never performed an honest day's work in their life, they take advantage of the government's social resources, and their sole means of support is from the generous handouts of the sympathetic working-class. But there's more to panhandling than pathetic looks, appealing pleas, and open palms. Begging takes skill.

Bernie shows some of his classic homeless "flash."

"Bernie" (not his real name--which is Bernard) is a homeless individual who has made a tidy living on the street. Bernie, almost 65, is planning to retire at the end of the month, and is handing over his business to a young indigent named "Digger" (that is his real name).

But Bernie's got his out-of-work work cut-out for him. It's important for Digger to be fully-trained by the end of the month, or he'll be off the street corner and out on the street.

"Digger has ambition, but I don't know if he has the drive," Bernie commented. "Begging takes commitment. You just don't become a panhandler overnight. It takes two or three nights."

Digger has some big worn-out shoes to fill. Bernie took panhandling and turned it into a science, but science saw it as a failed experiment and threw it into the dumpster outside the back of the lab.

"Digger's got good hand-eye coordination," admitted Bernie about his derelict prodigé. "He'll have his hand stretched out and he'll look you straight in the eye."

Bernie's isn't a rags-to-riches-to-rags story. He worked hard to reach the level of poverty he's at today. He pounded the pavement, getting the word out on the street, attaining a level of indignity that other vagrants could only dream of achieving.

"It takes a practiced hand to create a cardboard sign with an effective marketing slogan," shared Bernie. "You can't just scribble any-old thing on the back of a box and expect to haul-in the loose coins. Beggars can't be choosers, but they can certainly work on their spelling."

Bernie has some other advice for would-be down-and-out entrepreneurs.

"You have to have the right look," admitted Bernie. "Yes, torn clothing and a haggard beard will earn you a few extra dollars, but it goes beyond that. You need to portray that homeless identity with flare. Accessorize! You'd be amazed what a shopping cart full of worthless possessions, or a sad-looking puppy will do for you. But don't carry it too far. Excessive body-odor or a lifeless stare will earn you more emnity than spare change."

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