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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
INSIDE RICHARD'S HEAD--Richard Escher hopes he isn't losing his mind, but he's at a loss to explain the voices that have manifested inside his head. Richard doesn't know what triggered the dissociative disorder that began just over three weeks ago. He's not crazy, so he says, but it's hard to argue the point when there's someone else chatting inside your skull.
The voices inside Richard's head are starting to disrupt his life. His friends and co-workers think that Richard is making it all up--that they're a figment of his overactive imagination. But Richard insists that he is hearing these voices, talking to him incessantly, forcing him to their will. Oh, they're not telling him to do anything wrong, like kill, steal, or write eerie messages in blood on the wall. If fact, they're not being malevolant at all. But the voices are really obnoxious, telling knock-knock jokes, singing off-key, and spoiling the endings to movies. "Why don't we watch Jerry Springer the voices would say," said Richard, who has no history of mental distress. "Or, Richard, you really should recycle more. It's like having three of your most annoying friends inside your brain." Richard isn't a God-fearing man, and he certainly doesn't believe in demons or poltergeists. However, because of these maddening mental conversations, he is starting to question his own sanity. "Why would the voices ask me to go to the Wendy's drive-thru, when I've already had dinner?" asked Richard. "You'd think they'd have a darker purpose other than getting me to order chili-fries." Richard is perplexed. He always thought that hearing voices meant some form of possession, an echo an evil, trying to convince the host to perform some demonic task. Instead, his voices try and compel him to buy Santana CDs and Ellery Queen mystery fiction novels. "When I'm showering the voices will start singing Cher songs--out of key, and with the wrong lyrics--and their impersonations are terrible," said Richard. "Or when I'm watching an [Arnold] Scharzenegger movie they'll quote his signature one-liners over and over again, or blurt out 'Oh, I love this part' just as the action starts to pick up. And the other night? They spoiled the ending to Sixth Sense! I was a little pissed. I didn't realize that Bruce Willis was already dead." Richard is
at wit's end, or at least wit's last rest stop for the next 200 miles.
He has seen his doctor about his mental anxieties, but the physician only
had one solution for the nigh-demonic voices in his head. "Diet and
exorcise."
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| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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