 |
 | |||
|
|
| |||
|
|
 |
 |
|||||||||||||||
| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR RELIGIOUS HUMOUR AND SATIRE
GOD'S COUNTRY-- As you gaze North, you can't help but notice beautiful landscapes that stretch out as far as the eye can see, placid lands and serene waters blanketed beneath golden skies. Majestic mountains, fertile plains, and rich pastures grace tranquil countrysides. This land is certainly like Heaven on Earth, a biblical Utopia, a pleasantly perfect place to raise your family. There is no crime, no envy, no hatred. For this is God's country.
You would think that such a blessed nation would be free from the usual problems faced by secular governments, but this theocracy is far from ideal. This administration is riddled with political issues--and none of them are being solved--because everyone is waiting for the decisions to come from the Top. "When the wildfires swept-in and burned-out hundreds of our villages in the West, we thought that was God's will," said Cardinal Verchoo, one of God's Civil Servants. "When the floods came in and washed away our coastal cities, we thought that was part of His Plan. When the early frost came and destroyed 95% of our wheat crops, we thought that He was manipulating grain prices. We know that God works in mysterious ways, but we still need Him to develop a sound civil emergency plan, approve a budget for disaster relief, and promote international trade to improve our presence on the foreign markets." It doesn't
seem that much is getting accomplished in God's country, especially when
the Supreme Being has a higher rate of absenteeism than some members of
the Senate. Despite the lack of any tangible government structure, the nation's residents still have faith. "We patiently wait for God to create our schools, lay our highways, and develop our economic infrastructure. We appeal to Him to give us the strength we sorely need to govern ourselves. We continue, patiently, to await a sign." In spite of record attendance at church and an approval rating of 89%, demonstrating strong support of His government, there are some who are committing sins of the heart, doubting that God willl be able to turn the economy around on His own. "See, this is the problem when you can't separate church and state," said Fred Buller, one of the many concerned citizens of God's country. "Nothing's getting done. These political church figureheads are sitting on their elected laurels waiting for the Almighty to do all the work. If I was running God's country, I'd excommunicate their asses for incompetence." God is taking a rather passive stance to many (well, all) of the important issues. "We've got stacks and stacks of unsigned tablets awaiting authorization," said Bishop Tukweenfore, acting Finance Minister. "God needs to get His smite together. It's great living in an Eden-like republic, where man and animal can live together in peace, but Christ, someone needs to find a way to lower the unemployment. And who's going to collect our taxes? We can't just keep passing a plate around." "This land of ours has been touched by God," added the Bishop, "but He needs to touch it some more, or else we're going to collapse into anarchy." It seems
God's country is dealing with some legal issues as well. Vatican City,
the world's smallest country, is challenging the use of the term "God's
Country".
|
||||||||||||||||
 |
|
|||||||||||||||
| This fictional story about God's country is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
| Tell us what you thought. Visit our Message Boards. | HOME | DISCLAIMER | ABOUT US | Copyright 2005-2001 The Toque Entertainment. |
