CANADA'S SOURCE FOR BEAVER HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE

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You Can Help Shave The Beaver

THE COLD CANADIAN NORTH--Can you imagine spending a frigid winter's day outdoors without your parka? It's cold enough as it is. It seems ridiculous, but that's exactly what one of Canada's denizens does every day.

This elderly couple wasn't sure what to expect from the bald beaver exhibit.

The bald beaver, resembling a Chiléan hairless cat, lives in burrows, and not in a traditional beaver lodge. Although he is a natural swimmer, and has the same webbed feet as his coated kin, the bald beaver avoids the rivers and the streams, because the waters are just too frickin' cold.

His suited brothers scoff at him. Although the bald beaver is the same under the skin, his furry brethren avoid him like an embarrassing sibling, the silly little brother who has forgotten to take along his jacket.

The poor bald beaver. He is always cold, and his teeth constantly chatter, a natural mechanism that creates a small amount of heat, and prevents the ever-growing teeth from getting too long.

The animal is solitary, avoiding human contact, and it is rare for a man to see a bald beaver, although it is always a treat when he does. Canadian men will gladly relate the tale, and listen intently, about the time they saw a bald beaver.

It isn't all bad for the bald beaver. Special non-profit groups knit cute woolen sweaters for him, fearing that without the extra warmth, the bald beaver would freeze if he was caught outdoors after August 15th.

But maybe we shouldn't pity this peltless fellow. Perhaps the bald beaver is smarter than his popular cousins. Without a pelt, he's not on the trapper's most-desired list. And looking as scrawny as an underfed chihuahua, he's not much desired for his meat.

Yes, it would appear that although mildly discomforted by his chilly environment, the bald beaver is warm on the inside, knowing he is a lot safer than his less-endangered buddies.

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