 |
 | |||
|
|
| |||
|
|
 |
 |
||||||||||||||||
| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR FOOD HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
IN THE LINE FOR THE SEAFOOD--The all-you-can-eat buffet. It's a marketing ploy long used by restaurants to lure gullible hungry people looking for the "full-meal deal" and perhaps an eating challenge. It's a clever trick, because no one hardly ever eats enough for the restaurant owner to lose money. But be careful, the smorgasbord experience usually ends up being a "more than I should've eaten" adventure.
Dining-out is always a popular recreation because, well, everyone loves to eat. Dinner dates are great, but when taking your companion to a buffet restaurant (you know, the one with the unlimited supply of fantailed shrimp), take care to ensure that you get don't get suckered like a shill at a midway. What always happens at smorgasbords, is that one partner inevitably has a smaller appetite and is incapable of eating enough to justify the full price of a smorgasbord meal. The hungrier of the two (usually the man), will compensate for the dietary deficiency of the other to justify the dining cost, and will end up eating more than he should. The eyes are always bigger than the stomach. This phrase has never been more apt than when referring to dessert carts, nude beaches, or smorgasbord dinners. Jesse Cook had a typical smorgasbord experience last month. He went to the Jimmy Buffet for the $12.95 all-you-can-eat dinner with his wife April. That evening, Jesse filled his face with everything from dim sum to tiger prawns, and after a careful tabulation, ended up eating $16.21 in food, including dessert and a coffee. (well done Jesse!)
But his wife, who mostly nibbled on carrot sticks, slurped on sweet and sour soup, and chewed on deep-fried tofu, only consumed a disappointing $3.86 worth of food. Total
bill: $25.90. "When I noticed that April was only eating small amounts of sweet 'n sour pork and mushroom chow mein, I knew she wouldn't eat enough to cover the cost of the buffet," said Jesse. "I estimated that she would only eat $4 or $5 worth at most. I quickly changed my eating plan, shifting from the moderately-filling and medium-priced pork dumplings, to the more expensive tuna steaks and szechuan beef strips. I had to forgo the shrimp-fried rice--too filling--and adapted a clam and mussel attitude to make up the pricing difference." Despite Jesse's admirable attempt to foil the restaurant, the couple still lost money. And although they were both full, ultimately they left the restaurant unfulfilled."I was almost able to cover for her this time, but that's only because I was really hungry," said a bloated Jesse. "But what about next time? It's not going to work if she continues to eat like a bird. I'm not taking her to another buffet if that's 'all she can eat'." Like many others, Jesse paid twice for his overeating actions. He ended up spending more time on the toilet than he did at the seafood station. It's not
Jesse's fault. We're all tempted by the promise of unlimited hors d'ouevres,
sushi rolls, and giant crab legs. But in the end, you might want to reconsider
the next time you decide to roll the dice and try to beat the smorgasbord
scam. You're probably better off going out for a steak dinner than putting
your health at stake.
|
|||||||||||||||||
 |
|
||||||||||||||||
| This fictional story about smorgasbord buffets is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
| Tell us what you thought. Visit our Message Boards. | HOME | DISCLAIMER | ABOUT US | Copyright 2005-2001 The Toque Entertainment. |
