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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR ALCOHOLIC HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
INSIDE THE CLUB--You might think that working behind a bar in a nightclub is glamorous, but bartenders have a tough job. Not only do these punch peddlars have to the memorize the thousands of beverage varieties found in the science of mixology, they also have the important responsibility of determining when a customer has had too much to drink. But even more important than that, a bartender has to ensure that his customers are not improperly mixing their booze.
Fortunately, there are products available to help the ale-ing servers identify a potential drinking problem. These are known as Booze-Alert™ bracelets. These bracelets, made of silver, are imbued with relevant alcohol-related information pertaining to its wearer. It identifies the types of alcohol that should not be prescribed to drinking individuals or combinations that should not be mixed. When a customer starts to slur, it's not always easy for the bartender, hostess, or server to know what that person has ordered, or what he or she was drinking before. A Booze-Alert bracelet will give the bartender critical information as to that customer's alcoholic allergies, or basically what drink is going to make them hurl. It may not be prudent to serve a drink to a potentially-inebriated individual, when there is a risk that they may be mixing Tequila and Sambuca, Crown Royal and Pear Cider, or vodka and Nyquil. When someone has been drinking, their judgment becomes impaired, and they may be tempted to consume beverage combinations that may not be healthy for them. A Booze-Alert bracelet will alert the alcohol-serving professional to the drink-consuming risks of the customer, and allow them to serve safe alcoholic alternatives. "When people become so shit-faced as to not be able to tell the difference between a chaser and a cocktail, that's when the bracelet becomes important," said Ryan Coque, inventor of the bracelet. "When you're stone-faced drunk, you don't have the proper decision-making abilities to know what types of booze you should or should not be drinking." The bracelets should significantly reduce the instances of vomiting, as 8 times out of 10, the social drinker gets sick because he or she has inappropiately mixed his or her drinks. "If you've been drinking Jaggermeister all night, and then you suddenly switch over to Vodka Paralyzers, of course you're going to get sick," said Tony Romanelli, a bartender at the Tiki Club. "But for a customer wearing a Booze-Alert bracelet, the server would have immediately been able to identify the health risks, and continued to serve you Guervo instead of allowing you to switch over to Mescal." Some say
this simple social innovation is almost as amazing as that magical pill
that prevents you from getting drunk in this first place.
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| This fictional story about booze medic alert bracelets is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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