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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR BIBLICAL HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
We've seen how the the Merciful Lord has personally given you hints, tips, and tricks to earn money. The Bible is filled with ideas to get you on the road to wealth--as long as you know how to read it! But did you know God also understands that you've over-extended your credit? God knows, and He cares. That's why the entire Book of Hosea is about debt counseling. Of course it's also about the prophet's concern about the people's idolatry and faithlessness if we read it literally (and truthfully). But hidden under the written word is God's message to You--how you can consolidate debt and pay lower interest rates with one monthly payment. The secret is The Keys To Understanding, a series of mathematically-proven algorithms that reveal the secret message that God has written for You when applied to the Holy Book. Let's look at a few passages. Hosea Chapter 13, verse 3 reads "And so these people will disappear like morning mist, like the dew that vanishes early in the day." Decoded with the Keys To Understanding that I've developed over 15 years we can now read this as "If you are delinquent on your accounts now, we can get your creditors to re-age your accounts and show them current. If you pay your bills on time, but are not getting ahead by making minimum payments, reducing your debt to income ratio will improve your credit." Sound convincing? I think so too. Let's read some more. Verse 9 reads "'I will destroy you, people of Israel! Then who can help you?' You asked for a king and for leaders, but how can they save the nation?" Heavy stuff. Run through the scientifically-proven Keys To Understanding we now read "Debt consolidation is not expensive. A small Debt Management Fee is added to your monthly payment. With our Debt Management Fee included, your monthly obligation is usually less than what you are now paying." Are you ready
to give it a try? I'll leave you with one more tantalizing tidbit from
Chapter 14, verse 8: "Do you have to give up all of your credit cards?
No. Unlike many of the credit counseling services available we will consolidate
only the debts you ask us to."
Evan Gilleste's Biblical Archive
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Biblical
Prophecy: How To Make It Work For You
