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It Ain't Rocket Science, Or Is It?

IN THE BACK YARD--It doesn't take a rocket scientist to assemble a barbeque. It shouldn't take any scientist at all. In fact, a blind chimpanzee named Mr. Cuddles who had one arm in a sling after a bad fall from a tire swing could probably put one together. But if you were a rocket scientist, you would think that your background in rocket science would give you a marked advantage, making it much easier for you to get your steak-broiling device functioning to sizzling perfection.

Professor William Keane (a rocket scientist) stands proudly in front of his barbecue.

If you were a rocket scientist, you would probably be far too proud to use the instructions included with your new barbeque, instead relying on your extensive education and vast knowledge in the field of rocket science to logically and properly determine the best way to have your barbeque assembled. To do it any other way would be to admit defeat.

But could being a rocket scientist be a hindrance?

Would your superior attitude affect your ability to complete this simple task, because your mind was on something more important, like the burn-rate of fuel accelerants in reduced atmospheres? Would you hire someone else to assemble it for you because you're too busy watching documentaries on the Discovery Channel? (I mean, I'm no rocket scientist, but I think rocket scientists make pretty good money and could afford to have a barbeque technician do all the work.)

"This isn't rocket science, as I'm starting to figure out," said Professor William Keane, who just happens to have degrees in aeronautics and composite engineering, and has worked for twelve years as a satellite command-and-control-software developer. "If it was [rocket science], I'd have this thing functioning faster than an SS-520 in low gravity."

As a rocket scientist, professor Keane uses scientific methods and meticulate notes to plot and plan trajectories for Delta IV heavy rockets, design geosynchronous communications satellite orbits, and establish the parameters necessary for consistently manufacturing commercial parts from polyamide (PMR-15) and other aircraft structural composites. But assembling a barbeque without using the instructions would seem to be a task far more challenging.

"These instructions don't even make any sense," said Keane. "Obviously there wasn't a lot of thought put into this assembly manual. If I were designing this, I would specifically identify each part, including design specifications, boost-phase missile-intercept ratios, and heat tolerances. In fact, I would probably rationalize my decisions with at least a 5,000 word thesis explaining my justifications."

While Professor Keane talked endlessly about the base metals used in the barbecque's framework, considered the optimal air pressure in the barbeque's tires, and complained about the trigger mechanism in the barbeque's auto-ignite system, his wife Kelly (who is no rocket scientist), completed the assembly in under 20 minutes, which included attaching the propane nozzle to a 25 lb tank.

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