CANADA'S SOURCE FOR OSAMA HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE

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World Rests Easier Now That Osama Has Been Caught

IN YOUR NEIGHBOURHOOD--It's been a long exhausting search, but finally, we can rest at night, because, yes, Osama has been found. It's taken forever it seems, and the cost in time and effort has been high, but at last we can put the issue to rest, because Osama, the (frisky feline) fugitive has been found.

Osama had been missing for more than two years, and was presumed dead. But at last he was found and captured.

We are all relieved at the news (that Osama has been found). For the longest time, we wondered what had happened to Osama, and how he could have evaded capture for so long. We had the intelligence, we had received numerous tips, and there had been several reported (but unconfirmed) sightings. We had a pretty good idea as to his general location and where he was holed up, but until now Osama was free to roam, stirring up trouble wherever he went.

The details as to how Osama was found are still unclear, but we all are relieved to learn that Osama has been located and brought in by the proper authorities (the S.P.C.A.). All we know for sure is, first he was boxed in, and then he was cornered. The (dogcatchers') net was cast, and ultimately, Osama was caught.

We knew Osama had been getting careless. He left too many tracks (paw prints) and clues to his whereabouts. His natural instincts were fouling him up like a bowl of sour milk. Although Osama had eluded capture for a long time, it was inevitable that Osama would be caught, sooner or later.

Osama had been terrorizing the neighbourhood for the longest time, stirring up dissension (amongst the other cats), and creativing mayhem and havoc. Many who crossed his path (birds, mice, and voles) mysteriously disappeared, and no garbage can was safe.

"Osama is cunning, resourceful, and sly," said owner Al K. Eda. "But we knew that eventually Osama would be found and brought back to us. I'm just glad the whole ordeal is over."

When Osama was finally found, his appearance was disheveled--his hair was matted, and it looked like most of his fight was gone. It couldn't have been easy living the way he had, out in the open and exposed as he was.

"We invested a lot of resources into finding Osama," said Jorge Busch, executive chief of the local S.P.C.A. "But through this entire period, we have been committed to finding Osama, no matter what the cost. Unfortunately the S.P.C.A. is a non-profit organization so our resources were limited. But I am happy to say, that this animal has finally been caged."

The S.P.C.A. will now be able to turn their resources to locating Fluffy, a missing Afghan (hound), belonging to worried owner Al J. Zira.

Osama is currently being held in a cell (at the animal pound) while he awaits to be debriefed (and de-fleaed). Then Osama will be given a medical exam before he is shot (vaccinated). Once Osama has been given a clean bill of health, he will be returned (to his owner) to face an enquiry.

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