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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
URBAN CANADA--Canadians do not live in fear of many things. They hunt, they fight, and they sport. They are not afraid to brave the cold. But even the bravest man has been known to tremble at the sight of one native creature, a ferocious female mammal known to the world as the Canadian cougar. This predatory puma is a delicate yet dangerous foe who is more than a match for the average Canadian male.
The Canadian cougar is an aggressive predator, and man is her prey. But be at ease, for the cougar is completely harmless--that is, until she reaches the mature age of thirty (in some areas thirty-five). It is at this point Nature takes over, triggering the female's survival instincts. That is when this pouty beast comes into her strength and begins to realize her power. The cougar's intentions are obvious. She is seeking a mate. Fierce and relentless, the Canadian cougar hunts and tracks until she sights an acceptable male target. At the local watering hole she may appear docile, but be not fooled by this deception, for she is ready to pounce at a moment's notice. She stalks in the dark, using the shadow of night to disguise her intentions. Driven by the smells in the pheromone-scented air, and agitated by the sight of an attractive male biceps, the beautiful cougar will cautiously select her prey. It may be a young man who has strayed from his herd, or it might be an attractive target already mated to another. It doesn't matter. Once selected, the cougar will use her charms and wiles to lure the male away to her den. Alcohol is man's real enemy, and the cougar is acutely aware of this weakness. Her senses are so fine-tuned, that she can detect the slightest hint of beer on a man's breath, and will use that to her advantage. Of course, the male's first instinct is to flee, for he knows he stands no chance of defending himself, or his honour, against the hungry cougar. She always gets what she wants, such is the power of her survival instinct. Although
it is true that the Canadian cougar is fiercely protective of her young,
fear not for getting in between the cougar and her cub, because it is
likely she left it at home with her mother, while she is out on the prowl.
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| This fictional story about the Canadian Cougar is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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