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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR WORLDLY HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
NEAH BAY, WA-- The Makah Indian tribe, a great tribal force that lived along the coast of the Pacific Northwest, a bastion of aboriginal might, has been wiped out by an armada of gray whales. The whales reacted swiftly and without mercy in retaliation to the slaughter of many of their own.
The bloody conflict, which had been raging in the Puget Sound for over four-hundred years, came to a fatal conclusion, as vengeful marine warriors swam to the shores of Neah Bay, Washington, with deadly force, wiping out the entire Indian band. There were no survivors. The outcome was inevitable. The whales had superior numbers and a decided tactical advantage on the seas. The Makahs, who bravely fought back using only traditional native shotguns and customary aluminum fishing boats with tribal outboard motors, were quickly overpowered. The two parties had been fighting over fishing rights for centuries, and sadly, were unable to negotiate a peaceful settlement to their differences. The Makahs were always quick to resort to violence, slaughtering several gray whales during the long conflict. Ultimately, those actions led to their annihilation.
Washington state governor Gary Locke, stated that no action will be taken against the migratory ocean creatures, and that he is expecting to attend a summit meeting with whale leaders to discuss possible future trade relations. "While this attack had tragic results, we feel the whales were justified in their actions, and thus this has ended hundreds of years of whale oppression in the Puget Sound region," stated Locke solemnly. "The loss of aboriginal life is regrettable, but the whales were within their rights to exact revenge on the Makah peoples." Military
strategists suggested that the Makahs could have prevented their own utter
destruction, had they not lived so close to the water.
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