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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
KELOWNA, BRITISH COLUMBIA-- Okanagan residents are being assured that the crash of a delivery truck containing 18-tonnes of dihydrogen monoxide poses little risk to themselves or the local environment. The unfortunate accident, which disrupted local traffic for six hours, has been contained by the city's Haz-Mat specialists, who safely reduced the chemical threat through their quick, responsive actions.
Although everything was done to prevent pollution, some of the clear, odorless liquid may have escaped into the atmosphere--although nearby residents weren't evacuated, and it is presumed that the misty cloud of vapour will dissipate safely. "We were extremely cautious when dealing with this spill," said Captain Yves Trough, HazMat spokesperson. "Dihydrogen monoxide is a very dangerous chemical, and can be very tricky to contain. Thankfully, the threat was reduced significantly due of the professionalism shown by our crew." "Safety first," said Capt Trough. "No matter what the substance, chemical, or liquid, my people endure. And I can safely say our boys minimized the health hazard this time, due to my leadership, their disciplined training, and of course my quick-thinking." Eventually, the team was able to remove all of the threatening liquid containers, most of which were unruptured. But even the compromised plastic containers of dihydrogen monoxide were removed to a safe decontamination station, where they will be disposed of in a safe manner. Some are concerned that the dihydrogen monoxide will seep into groundwater and possibly make its way into the drinking water reserves, but most informed citizens believe that the liquid poses little threat. Capt. Trough
demurred to the praise of the team's heroic actions. "Whether the
substance at the spill site is dihydrogen monoxide or just plain water,
we're going to treat it the same way."
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