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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
MIDDLE CANADA --Christmas is celebrated in Canada much the same way it is in the United States. Just like their American counterparts, Canadians give thoughtful presents to loved ones, sing Christmas carols to the neighbours, and get loaded on rum-spiked eggnog before taking the snowmobile out, with children in tow, to pick up a traditional aluminum Christmas tree.
Dad will spend hours searching through the metallurgist's lots, looking for that perfect metal tree--one that is lightweight, malleable, and hasn't oxidized too much. When he finds the right one, he tosses it on to the tobaggan and hauls it back home to be decorated that night. At home, mom waits eagerly with long metal shears, ready to prune and trim and burnish the tree to seasonal perfection. The children stand by, holding miniature propane Christmas torches, waiting to heat and mold the silvery branches into natural-looking boughs. Watch out for the sharp edges though, kids! When it's finally tinseled and garlanded and adorned with family ornaments, the aluminum Christmas tree sparkles and shines, reflecting the festive strings of Christmas lights far better than an old Christmas pine. And hey, an aluminum Christmas tree is much easier to maintain over the holidays--no messy needles or needless watering. And because it's not made of wood or other flammable materials, there's no fire hazard! But how did this metallic tradition begin? Well, Canadians have always been stubborn when it comes to proper forest management practices, and since aluminum is one of Canada's major mining exports, it only seemed natural to create a holiday decoration that represents the country's major industry. And why not? The aluminum tree is practical, resource efficient, and good for the environment, that is if you forgive the massive open pit mines that leave an open wound on the native landscape. And every year all the aluminum trees are recycled, crushed, and melted down to be ready to make new trees next year.
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| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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