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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
—Frustrated Dear Frustrated: It is with the most heartfelt anxiety that I read your missive and cry for help. I know, as no doubt do you, that our Apostleship requires the Catholic faith should especially in this Our day increase and flourish everywhere, and that all heretical depravity should be driven far from the frontiers and bournes of the Faithful. So allow me to gladly proclaim the joy in my heart that you wish to enquire about piousness and faithfulness of your friends, and, yes, even your sweetheart and possible future mate. It is only when all errors are uprooted by Our diligent avocation as by the hoe of a provident husbandman, a zeal for, and the regular observance of, Our holy Faith will be all the more strongly impressed upon the hearts of the faithful. Many persons of both sexes, unmindful of their own salvation and straying from the Catholic Faith, have abandoned themselves through overindulgence during parties or other activities to devils, incubi and succubi, and by their incantations, spells, conjurations, and other accursed charms and crafts, enormities and horrid offences. Although a tipple of sacramental wine is beneficial to the human spirit, getting "hosed" has led to souls in a delicate state to having slain infants yet in the mother's womb, as well as the offspring of cattle. They have blasted the produce of the earth, the grapes of the vine, the fruits of the trees, nay, men and women, beasts of burthen, herd-beasts, as well as animals of other kinds, vineyards, orchards, meadows, pasture-land, corn, wheat, and all other cereals, including Weetabix. Thus, it is Our duty to apply potent remedies to prevent the disease of heresy and other turpitudes diffusing the poison to the destruction of many innocent souls. Our zeal for the Faith especially incites us, lest that the provinces, townships, dioceses, districts, to decree and enjoin that Inquisitors be empowered to proceed to the just correction, imprisonment, and punishment of any persons, without let or hindrance. Please forward your name and address where you can be Questioned at leisure. Or, if you are shy send me the name and address of one of your "friends". We only need one for the whole house of cards to come falling down. Have no fear, we will find out what the Devil is up to through the heinous offences and many wickednesses you have set forth. You and your friends' and girlfriend's sins will be purged by confession and, perhaps, a little flame. I will be at Krunchy Thrush Donuts just off Main Street in Saint Albert, Saskatchewan next week from 10am until 2pm, Monday through Thursday. I invite everyone to drop by with questions about witchcraft, or just to say hi. I'll treat the first 3 people who can successfully name four errors of the Arian heresy successfully to a donut and heated beverage of their choice.
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| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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Sexual
Health by Ignatious de la Pena y de Ybarra, Senior Inquisitor
