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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR BANKING HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
IN THE BANK LINE-UP --When the big banks decline your application for a loan, a credit card, or an overdraft, you threaten to take your business to a credit union. When the credit unions say "no" to your request for a line of credit, where then do you take your business? Why, to a trust company of course! Because, as the name implies, it's a company that "trusts" you and the financial decisions you make.
While most banks are cold and drafty, and the employees make you feel dirtier than the money they handle, trust companies are warm and welcoming, like a nurturing grandmother with loads of cash. The only thing missing is a tray of fresh-baked cookies and a coffee tin full of rolled-up twenties. But why should you put your trust in a trust company? A trust company is a corporation, like a bank, complete with vaults, tellers, ATMs, and cute plastic wallet-sized calendars. But the single difference between the two is that a trust company representative (called a trustee) is willing to look you straight in the eye, size you up, and then extend their hand in trust. Meanwhile, the bank officer will make you sign stacks of documents (in triplicate), swear on a stack of bibles, and force you to supply extensive biometric evidence to ensure that you are telling the truth. And some banks still demand your first-born as collateral, but that's mostly just in Eastern Europe. Doing your business on a handshake, a wink, and a smile offers great peace of mind to trust company customers, but there are other tangible benefits when dealing with a trust company. Mainly, there are no messy receipts, confusing account statements, or mumbo-jumbo laden legal contracts. If you deposit $500 into your savings account, they trust that you are telling the truth. After all, it's your money that you're depositing into their institution. That's what trust is all about. More and more people are putting their faith and their money into trust companies. "I like to keep my banking simple," said Nicole Endigm, a middle-aged working mother who recently transferred all her savings from a traditional bank to a trust company. Nicole hated the hidden fees and mysterious charges that always showed up on her monthly bank statement. She detested the constant double-checking of her signatures, the humiliating scrutinization of her photo identification, and the suspicious stares of condescending bank staff. And (God forbid) if she ever went into a negative balance, the bank would call her up, asking more questions than a Spanish Inquisitor on speed. "With the trust company, I ask them how much money I have, and they tell me," said Nicole. "If I need to take out a loan, I just tell them how much I want. If I tell them I can't make my mortgage payment this month, they say: 'That's okay. Just pay us when you can.' That's something I can, err, bank on." That's always been the
problem with the big financial institutions. There's never been any trust. It's
always been about credit history, fiscal reports, collateral, and earnings. If they learned
to trust their customers a little bit more, maybe they wouldn't be so
worried about money all the time.
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| This fictional story about banks and trust companies is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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