Wad An Amazing Accomplishment
AT THE KIWANIS MEETING-- Chester Maverick has had a long list of accomplishments in his seventy-nine years of life, but there's nothing he's more proud of than his huge wad of gum.
Chester "The Jester" has been saving his gum since he started "a-chewin'" back when he was six-years-old, after his father bought him his first packet of Juicy Fruit.
Growing up, Chester's family was poor, and chewing gum was a luxury they could rarely afford. So he started saving all his chewing gum, sticking the used wads under his bed. That way Chester would always have gum whenever he wanted.
Over the years, Chester picked up new sticks of gum, getting them from trading cards or from under restaurant tables. But still, he saved all his pieces, often combining the old with the new to enhance his chewing experience.
"It ain't no big deal," admitted Chester, who once lost the gooey wad in his beard for two years back in the Sixties. "ABC [Already Been Chewed] gum can't hurt ya, unless you swallow it."
Amazingly, Chester still chews on his wad, although now it's a little hard to get the whole thing into his mouth.
"The gum wad still has some flavour to it, and it ain't too hard to chew on after but a few minutes," said Chester. "Plus, my daddy always said that chewin' gum gives a man a strong jaw--which is always good fer cracking walnuts or pulling nails."
What is even more remarkable about Chester's chewing feat, is that most of his teeth fell out in 1978.
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You might as well feed Gary Bettman to the SHARKS right now, as the AVALANCHE of blame will surely fall on him for this failure.