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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
UNDER THE COVERS-- The next time you accidentally rouse your spouse from a peaceful slumber at five o'clock in the morning, after your alarm clock has gone off like an air raid siren in a concert hall, don't worry about how annoyed she is, but rather, consider the extra sleep she'll get after you've gone off to work. Why? Because, those hours or minutes of extra rest that she'll get between then and the time she has to get up are the most precious moments of sleep she can ever have.
This is known as bonus sleep. It can be described as a morning when you wake up and notice that there's a foot of snow on the ground, or a day when the boss calls to cancel that breakfast meeting. But it's the sleepy spouse who gets to enjoy this time more than anyone else. (Excepting when one spouse has to get up fifteen minutes after the other, and her brain won't allow her that extra snooze time.) It doesn't seem fair though that one partner should have to get up earlier every day, leaving the other to capture those extra Zzz's, but that's the the punishment and the reward. You should be so lucky. If you live or sleep alone, you've probably tried to recreate these dividends of somnolence for yourself. But it's not enough to hit the snooze button, or trick yourself by moving the time ahead on your own alarm clock. The snooze button just wakes you up earlier than you need to (just set the damned alarm to the last possible minute). It may feel like bonus sleep, but your body's internal clock will start to recognize this chronological deception, and you'll find yourself more tired every waking morning until the weekend when you can mentally recharge yourself by sleeping in til noon or noon-thirty. And if you adjust the time on your alarm clock, when the buzzer sounds the next morning your brain will take five minutes to recalculate the twelve minutes you added the night before, and you end up losing it all trying to figure out the real time! It's always easier to tell someone to go to bed an hour earlier, but time saved is not always time gained. Hitting the sack at ten instead of eleven only makes that extra snooze time in the morning that much more tempting. In the end, you wake up overtired, and worse off than you would be from being sleep-deprived. Sleeping-in is also great, but it's still not the same as bonus sleep. Bonus sleep is more like a stolen kiss, or taking the last cookie out of the jar. It's almost like living beyond your expiration date, or more accurately, being granted that extra hour when you turn back the clock in the Fall for Daylight Saving Time. Still, there's nothing quite the same as a working spouse rudely waking their mate from a perfectly peaceful sleep. So tomorrow when your alarm clock wakes your wife up at five-o'clock-in-the-bloody-morning, don't feel guilty at all, because after you're gone she's going to get some of the best sleep in her life. She should be thanking you!
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| This fictional story about sleepin in is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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