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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
AROUND THE NEIGHBOURHOOD-- Young Jeremy Piddle doesn't have a lot going for him; he's got greasy hair, bad posture, and his voice sounds like Elmo on novocain. But in spite of those flaws, Jeremy has one thing working in his favour: he has a nice ball sack.
Jeremy's a nice kid who likes video games, street hockey, and baseball cards, but most of all, he loves that ball sack of his. He's darn proud of it--and he has a right to be proud. As ball sacks go, Jeremy's is quite impressive. At least his friends think so. "Jeremy's always showing off his ball sack," said Sally Forth, next-door neighbour. "He'll just whip out his ball sack and dangle it in front of me, asking me if I want to touch it--which I don't! It's disgusting. I don't know where that ball sack has been!" The older kids are jealous of its size. The younger kids just want to hold it or rub it for luck. But Jeremy didn't always have a nice ball sack. There was a time when it was old and leathery, and would get sweaty whenever he left it in his pants too long. He would wash and scrub that ball sack until it hurt, but still it would remain smelly and dirty. Eventually Jeremy just gave it to his dog Smooch, who would spend the afternoons in a corner licking his old ball sack.
These days, Jeremy's ball sack is the envy of the kids, especially his best friend Mark from across the street, a boy who has always admired it. "Mark is always trying to grab my ball sack," said Jeremy. "But he's got his own to play with! It's not as nice as mine, but there's nothing wrong with his ball sack. I've held it in my hands before." "Jeremy's exaggerating," replied Mark, who admits he has a smaller ball sack than Jeremy. "I've never let him put his hands on my ball sack. He's the one who's always sticking his ball sack in my face! And I just keep slapping that thing away. That kid is obsessed. He's always fondling his ball sack." But despite Mark and Jeremy's differences, most of the kids agree that Jeremy's ball sack is the best, because it's black, has a nice texture, it hangs well, and is less likely to shrivel. Lately, instead of keeping his ball sack in his pants, Jeremy has been letting it hang out--just so that everyone in the neighbourhood can appreciate it. Although there are a few kids who would rather not have it exposed. "If I ever see Jeremy around here showing off," said Mike the local bully, "I'm going to cut off his ball sack."
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| This fictional story about ball sacks is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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