Canadians love golf as much as anyone else, but they're a strange lot. They insist that their golf carts have drink-holders for their beer, they believe that formal golf attire means an ironed hockey jersey, and that a bogey is something that hangs off the end of your nose.

Canadians Are Prepared For Any Drinking Emergency

A typical Canadian beer kit

TORONTO, ONTARIO-- Toronto Maple Leafs forward Mats Sundin, hinting at possible retirement, has had several offers for his hockey services made today in the free agency frenzy, however none of those offers, including the $10 million dollars per year offered by the Vancouver Canucks hockey club is even remotely close to the $14 million (per year) in Canadian Tire money the Swede is supposedly holding out for.

Sundin, who already has enough "real" money to fill several ice rinks, believes that his negotiation tactics for Canadian Tire currency could earn him an extra four millions dollars (per season) in spending money that could be used to purchase home hardware, gardening tools, as well as automotive equipment and servicing, virtually ensuring that he would never need to spend any actual money on household items ever again.

"People underestimate the value of Canadian Tire money," said one hockey analyst, who admitted to having several dollars worth of Canadian Tire money of his own tucked away in the sun visor of his SUV. "One Canadian Tire dollar is the equivalent of one real Canadian dollar. If you were to spend it at one of the many Canadian Tire locations across Canada, you would get the equivalent amount in goods and services. Sundin could be on to something big--bigger even than idiot-proof jumper cables."

Put That In Your Pipe And Smoke It

Many are addicted to Plumber's Crack

The pay might be good, but plumbers are under constant pressure, which is why many of them look to escape from their murky worlds by using mind-altering drugs. Their drug of choice of course is Plumber's Crack, a special combination of cocaine and drain cleaner, usually brewed in bathtubs or semi-sanitized toilet bowls.