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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR ROMANTIC HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
Luc Beauthoaise, The Hopeless Romantic Friends, I despair. For it seems that love doth pierced my heart again, like the child who tried to catch that dawn dart in his teeth. Her name I know not, excepting that perhaps it might be Estelle, the engravened word that appeared on her deep blue vest, the very garment that impressed me when I walked past her on my last visit to Wal-Mart. When I saw her for the first time, I felt an ache, a romantic cramp I recognized all too well. I knew that I was in love again for the first time...this week. Do not scoff at me for having an open wound that is easily infected with the virus of love. I cannot dare hope to heal that which makes me who I am, a tender loving soul who cries out, nay yells out for devotion. Am I not man? If I am stabbed, do I not bleed? If I am not repeatedly beaten by an elderly woman with a heavy purse, do I not bruise? I cannot deny my feelings. For you see, I have been impaled on the long sharp pole of love. Oh Estelle, your warm greeting smile, and your eloquent greeting voice left a permanent lasting impression on me when I saw you, and I fear my heart will rupture if you don't accept my offerings of love. I long to feel your soft touch again, like the moment your wrist brushed against mine whilst placing that Wal-Mart sticker on my shopping bag when last we were together. I care not of the differences in our ages. You may be much older, but to me, you appear as a young virgin, or at least a woman with virgin-like virtues. Your stature is that of a Greek goddess, a goddess with sensible nylons and orthopedic shoes. I walked through your door, but you walked into my heart, and the alarms that went off were similar to the ones that sounded when I accidentally swept past you with that unpurchased retail item. Such is the low, low price of love. When the police arrested me for shoplifting, it was my own heart that itself was arrested. Please Estelle, forgive my slight indiscretion, for love reaches beyond reason. I already forgive you for calling security and tackling me at the entrance to the store, for I know you were only trying to protect me.
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| This fictional story about romance is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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