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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
SILICONE VALLEY-- Marina Desirez is a young woman with strong family values, a good sense of humour, and a thirst for knowledge. Marina, a 23-year-old student, is tall, attractive, and has many friends at college. But despite her normal outward appearances, Marina is hiding an unusual secret inconsistent with her proper, upright character. You see, Marina is a caulk sucker. In a conservative society that puts the squeeze on people who engage in peculiar sexual behavior, caulk sucking is considered an unhealthy activity. While caulk itself is not toxic, no more so than white glue, the sucking of caulk is not something that is encouraged, endorsed, or promoted. Marina, who denies having any issues of low self-esteem, was young and confused when she started experimenting with caulk sucking.
"I started to suck caulk at an early age," admitted Marina, who is still a virgin, and hopes to remain one until she gets married. "I did it because I wanted to impress the boys. They said they were only interested in girls who sucked caulk." Marina didn't want to be considered frigid, so for her very first time she tried sucking her father's caulk--which she found on a shelf in his toolshed. "I didn't see any harm in it. All of my girlfriends said they had sucked caulk at least once," said Marina, who states that she still gags from time to time. "Some of them seemed to enjoy it more than others." But after her first few awkward experiences with sealants, Marina said her caulk sucking became a craving, and then turned into a problem that started to put the squeeze on her. At one time she was sucking two or three different caulks at the same time. Her desire to suck caulk was insatiable. "I would sneak into the hardware stores, locate the sealants section, and steal a few tubes of caulk from the shelves," said Marina. "I just couldn't satisfy my craving for caulk." With counseling, Marina thinks she can lick her problem, before it gets a bead on her. "I've got the support of my family now," said Marina, who was embarrassed at first to discuss her caulk sucking issues with anyone. "It was tough to swallow," said Marina's mother, when learning of her daughter's problem. "Marina is good and decent. But to find out that she went to these parties and sucked caulk was a shock. But I understand. I had the same problem when I was close to her age. But after I married Marina's father I never sucked caulk again." Marina's father, like most men, doesn't see anything wrong with sucking a little caulk, but he'd prefer not to know that his daughter had her lips around someone's caulk. "She's an adult now," said Mr. Desirez. "If Marina wants to suck caulk, that's her own business. At least she's not a weather-stripper."
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| This fictional story about caulk sucking is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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