Going Off Half-Cocked With Generic Viagra Substitutes
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| How can you not heart, err…love Viagra? |
As a man approaching my August years (let’s say early June for argument’s sake), I am starting to be reminded of the physical differences in my body from twenty-five years ago, especially when it pertains to the spontaneous intimate requirements of my much younger spouse.
I realize that I am no longer the young stallion that I never was in my youth, and so when am I bombarded with media ads regarding products such as Viagra, I tend to pay more attention than before.
My email inbox is constantly filled with opportunities to order Viagra, Cialis, and other prescription varieties, however today was the first time I received an offer to purchase “cheap boner pills”.
At first, I thought, “hey great, inexpensive Viagra clone”, but then I quickly realized (I don’t do everything this quickly) that this may not be the answer to my generic drug question. What if the term “cheap boner pills” means that the boners themselves are cheap? Like as if to say, they lacked quality, as in “cheap tires”, “cheap toaster oven” or “cheap fighter jet” (only used once by a little old North Korean man who flew it to church on Sundays to save his Seoul).
If I’m going to purchase a product that is “half off”, I don’t want it to be half-effective, or provide me with half of the results I dearly require (or would require if I actually needed this product at all–I’m just saying). It does a man no good to obtain discount erections if they aren’t going to satisfy his needs, or more aptly, the woman’s needs (excusing those in the population who have different male-on-male obligations). “I’m sorry honey, I realize that wasn’t the boner you were expecting, but you see, I saved $5 on these cheap boner pills, and with the money I saved I was able to replace the batteries in those sexual aids you keep in the nightstand, which I now realize you’ll be needing to finish the project I was unable to complete.”
Imagine the firefighter who would have to put out fires with a long firm hose that flops around softly at the end? Is this something that is going to effectively douse the flames, metaphorically meaning the flames of passion? Hardly!
No, I don’t think I want to jeopardize my tenuous sexual competency with a product that promises me something cheap, and I don’t mean of the whore-ish variety. Yes, the financial savings is attractive, but then, so is my wife, and I don’t want to screw things up (literally) with a cheap boner!
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