How Does The Hedgehog Do It And “Do It” So Well?
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| Ron Jeremy is a sexual enigma. |
Ron Jeremy is a living legend in the porn industry. Ron, the adult film star who has bedded thousands of women in his ill-LUST-rious career, is worshipped as a chubby, sweat-filled God by his admiring male peers. Men around the world are envious of Ron Jeremy’s success on the screen and in the sack.
But just how exactly doe this swarthy star of the satin stage do it? Yes he does have equine endowment, but Ron Jeremy is about as attractive as Andre The Giant, and only slighter taller than Gary Coleman. In fact, Ron Jeremy looks like he’s perpetually perspiring, and his moustache and hair are greasier than the deep fryer at a truck stop diner.
So how does the “Hedgehog” do it? We’ve compiled a list of possible theories for Ron Jeremy’s improbable sexual success. Damn it! The man is five feet tall and almost eighty and he still gets more tail than most rock bands!
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| Maybe this book explains how Ron Jeremy beds so many women. |
Ron kidnapped a team of chemists in the early 1970′s, forcing them to develop and create the ultimate love potion. With a few drops of Ronjeremone, females find the pudgy porn star irresistible. Ron is secretly making millions of dollars selling elixirs of Ronjeremone to other struggling adult film actors, ugly, revolting businessmen, and other unattractive males who are able to afford his magical lust drug.
Ron, like a modern-day L.Ron Hubbard, has discovered a way to mind-fuck women, before he fuck-fucks them. Ron has offices in major cities in North America where he makes women fill out questionaires about blue movies and favorite sexual positions.
Ron, with his deep blue eyes, has found a way to force women to his will using the power of sexual suggestion. Hypnotists for years have always known how to mould people to their thinking, and Ron has tapped into the mystical power of tapping other females.
Ron has his own cult following, because he has promised women an enlightened future, or an afterlife. Susceptible brainwashed individuals have given their minds and bodies over to the “cocky” cult leader. Ron has a secret fuck compound where scores of lusty mindwashed females lie around naked, listening to porn movie background music, while they wait for Him to help them ascend to Heaven. Throw in a silk robe, a pair of sandals, and a gold chain, and even Ron Jeremy can pass as a spiritual leader. Maybe he’s adding something to the Kool-Aid?
Sleeping with Ron is an investment in your future. It’s a small (well, not that small) price to pay for fame and stardom. It is well known in the adult film community that being “christened” by the famous handlebarred hero is the quickest way to the top.
Is it simply just charm? Is it money? Is it the size of his…ego?
For whatever reason, Ron Jeremy, the puffy Prince Of Porn has scored more times than Wayne Gretzky, and nailed more chicks than most of us have ever met. Whether your methods be of science or of magic, your secrets will be known Ron Jeremy!
This story about Ron Jeremy is brought to you by The Toque, the world leader in Ron Jeremy parody, Ron Jeremy satire, and other Ron Jeremy humor.
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