| Consumer Study Links Vehicle Size To Penis Size |
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Drivers Are Looking For Compensation
Dr. Bruce Johnson, a vehicular sociologist from Stanford, has been analyzing vehicle-to-driver relationships, vehicle purchasing patterns, and automotive self-esteem comparisons since 1998. He was surprised by the results of the study. "If you had asked me three years ago about the relationship between penis and automobile size," said Dr. Johnson, "I would have told you that men with large penises drive large vehicles." "I am shocked to learn that just the opposite is true," stated Dr. Johnson. "However, the numbers, like the participants involved in the study, may be out of proportion." According to the study, men with smaller-than-average penises are more likely to purchase larger-than-average vehicles in an act of compensation. It is suggested that these men see their automobiles as a chance to "extend their masculinity" beyond what nature had endowed. The study also made mention that men with penises of average length or larger had no identifiable vehicle purchasing pattern, although it was hard to get the men in the study to accurately respond to the question of size. Men with "great length" talked at great length about their great length. Dr. Johnson intends to extrapolate on his findings. He hopes to establish that aggressive driving patterns, such as tailgating, may also be present in "under-developed" drivers. The findings have already been challenged. Dwight Hawthorn, a local locksmith and Army Reserve Corporal, has stated that "this study is a big load of crap!" According to the Chevrolet Silverado driving Hawthorn, "Only guys with big 'tackers' drive big trucks! Go 'head ask my wife, Shelley. She'll tell you that I got a big pecker! Go on and ask her!" Dr. Johnson had yet to respond to the comments of Mr. Hawthorn, but expressed interest in him as a potential model for a more "in-depth" future study.
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