If you've ever said "no" to sex so that you can break your personal record in Minesweeper, you've probably also bombed in the bedroom.

The question is much more complex than simply weighing a geeky hobby against an opportunity to get laid.

There are several factors involved in the computer/sex decision-making process, presuming that you have the opportunity to say "no", because you have a living, breathing sex partner.

There are times when you'll say no, and you'll have a good reason. A damned good one...you hope.

Maybe I just had sex, and maybe I will again after I check my email. It is really fair when you just finished an hour (let's be generous) of heavy humping, then on the way back from the toilet you stopped for a moment to reply to a couple of messages, when your wife comes in to ask you if you want to "do it again"?

If I was sitting around doing nothing except playing Freecell, well of course I'm not going to say 'no' when the opportunity presents itself...or herself in this case. I'd rather be doing it doggy-style than playing Solitaire Vegas-Style. But if I was participating in the ultimate online Texas Hold'em tournament with the promise of a big payoff at the final table, I might have to temporarily postpone that game of strip poker with my spouse.

And let's say you were involved in an eBay auction, and there was less than an hour to bid on a priceless antique, it may be considered reasonable for you to postpone your passion until the bidding was over. But if you were bidding for a 1/18th scale replica of a working Star Wars land speeder, perhaps you need to spend a little bit more time in the sack.

Answering "no" to sex has more implications when you say "no" for no good reason. Like when you say "no" to your girlfriend because you want to finish a difficult level in a first-person shooter game. It may be a long time before she'll play with your shooter again.

But what if your sex partner is also a gamer? Would she ask you to forego that final mission in Max Payne, just so that you could play the role of "Big Boss" in the bedroom? A loving, caring, geeky girlfriend would probably never ask the question, because she would be playing along side you in co-op mode. After the game is over, the two of you could "celebrate" your victory with a little head-to-head action.

And what if you're surfing the Internet for porn? If you're saying "no" to sex because you'd rather gratify yourself with your own downloads, you're in pretty bad shape, and likely to be alone with your collection for a long time. But if you're downloading porn, and you're just waiting for the movie clip to finish so that you can share it with your girlfriend, then there might be allowances for your decision. After all, porn is always more fun to watch with a friend.

There are other valid reasons that you would and could be at your computer and say "no" to sex, and it could be justified I suppose (college studies, work deadline, paying overdue bills), so I guess the question of "have you ever said 'no' to sex while at your computer?" has to be requalified.

Maybe it should be: "to what level of computing would you say 'no' to sex?"

Let's just hope you're not man enough or brave enough to say "no." I know I'm not.

This story about "saying no to sex" and computer sex is brought to you by The Toque,
the world leader in computer sex satire, computer sex parody, and computer sex humor.

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