Fate has willed that Britney Spears and Paris Hilton will make a sex tape.

"We've waited, and we've waited," men have said. "We waited patiently for Britney's marriage to collapse. We agonized over her two pregnancies. We prayed that she would grow up 'Hollywood-style', and get her sexy ass out of the house and on to the party scenes!"

While men have fantasized about Britney Spears over and over again, they have never admitted (openly) to being attracted to Paris Hilton. They have always said that she is too skinny, that her nose is squishy and sticks too far in the air, and that she lacks certain sexual standards that would make her sexually inviting to the opposite sex.

But now that she had begun hanging around with Britney Spears, all that has changed.

"It's already starting," said men of all ages. "Britney and Paris are preparing. First it will be the occasional secret indiscretion at a chic L.A. restaurant. Then there might be a little dallying at an awards ceremony after-party. After that it will snowball into all-out partying on both coasts. Then we believe, that sometime soon a raunchy sex tape video of Britney and Paris will appear somewhere on the Internet. Very soon!"

Most of the entire male species agrees that a sex video is inevitable. In fact, they feel it is destiny that Britney Spears and Paris Hilton were brought together in the first place, and that it is written somewhere, probably in an ancient text, or maybe just a cocktail napkin--it doesn't matter--that they will make mad drunken love, and that love will be videotaped for the men of the world to view with pleasures unknown in the entire existence of mankind...even if video tape had existed 1,000 years ago!!!

"World, we are ready!" said a male spokesman. "We are prepared to witness hot female celebrity on celebrity action, like no man has witnessed before! Our lives eagerly await the designated time when Paris and Britney will immortalize themselves with their passion--a passion that only can be captured on video, perhaps, oh God, please have them make it in high-definition!"

"It will happen when it happens," said men, who are tired of jacking it to Teri Hatcher and Angelina Jolie. "But when it does, we will be left with a vast emptiness. But that's okay. That emptiness can be filled by watching the sex tape again."

The Toque is the world leader in Canadian humour, parody, and satire! Of course you realize that this piece of satire is fictitious, and only intended for entertainment purposes. Copyright The Toque (this year).

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