| Day Old Newspapers Are Still News To Me |
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Just like a new car, the minute after you've purchased your morning paper, its value has gone down nearly 90%. There's little or no resale value for the consumer, who ends up throwing the paper away, or tossing it into a recycling bin. Only an organized news dealer like Lionel can turn this trash into gold. “That news still has value,” he says, “just like a 1998 Echo.” Lionel isn’t worried about the glut of free papers on the streets. "They just don’t have the content, commentary and insight that a hefty daily carries", said Lionel. "That’s worth at least 50 cents. And because the paper is already ‘old’ there’s no stigma or rush to read through it." "Consumers are just as likely to react the same way to news about Iceland whaling in the South Pacific on Wednesday, as they would on Tuesday," said Lionel. "If the reader reads a review of the latest Tarantino movie on a day-old newspaper on Thursday, when the paper came out first on Wednesday, it makes little or no difference to him when he wasn't going to take in the matinee until Saturday. But the reader will appreciate the extra sixty or seventy cents saved daily in newspaper costs by purchasing discounted newspapers that are merely 24 hours older. There are new markets to expand into as well. Lionel is negotiating with several downtown dentists and doctors to supply them with "gently owned" newspapers, magazines, and periodicals. “These guys will buy stuff by the wheelbarrow!” he exclaims. “I just have to work out a reasonable pricing structure...maybe by the tonne.” Lionel also believes that there is also an ecological advantage for consumers to buy old news. “Remember the second ‘R’,” he says, “Re-use!” ![]() The Toque is the world leader in Canadian humour, parody, and satire! Of course you realize that this piece of satire is fictitious, and only intended for entertainment purposes. Copyright The Toque (this year). |
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