Put Your Hands Together For This Slapping New Invention

The Autoplauser is a revolutionary applause-making device guaranteed to get you clapping.

But Robert need not fear, for there are new innovations in applause technology, new ideas like the

Autoplauser, a brilliant invention that allows amputees, arthritis sufferers, and other appendage-impaired individuals to display the same genuine reaction as everyone else in the audience.

The Autoplauser is the result of years of "hands-on" scientific research. This simple, yet ingenius, device is operated with a simple motion of the wrist. Using space-age materials and patented Applaud-o-phonic technology, all it takes is a gentle sweep, and applause is generated in the same manner as putting two hands together.

 

The Autoplaser is not just for applauding-disabled individuals, but also for those who are at high risk to bruising, those who are susceptible to finger sprains, and those who have difficulty creating a reasonable applauding sound.

"I love the Autoplauser," said Jimmy Kerrigan, who lost his hand four years ago when it dissolved during a routine acid-cleaning of his bath-tub. "I go to hockey games every weekend, and I get to clap and cheer like everyone else."

Before the Autoplauser, the clapping-impaired had to use compressed air, whistles, or crude "whooping" sounds to convey their appreciation. But now, thanks to the Autoplauser, even the uncoordinated can recreate the rich resonant sounds of authentic hand-on-hand action.

The Autoplauser, which can also be fitted to existing prosthetics, is also great for "freeing up a hand" when the other is busily engaged in other activities, allowing the user to applaud while they are holding a cellular telephone, eating a hotdog, or just swilling back a cold beer.

This story about the Autoplauser and applause-making technology is brought to you by The Toque,
the world leader in clapping parody, knee-slapping satire, and other business humour.