Don’t Blubber About A Lack Of Fine Dining
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| For fine Inuit cuisine, come visit Oomluk’s On Fourth. |
THE RESTAURANT DISTRICT– If you’re looking for something a little different for your dining desires this weekend, away from the usual Indian, Japanese, or Thai, you might be interested in trying out the latest in nouveau Arctic cuisine. Right downtown is a new authentic Inuit restaurant, Oomluk’s On Fourth, an eating establishment guaranteed to provide you with a unique dining experience.
As soon as you walk inside the traditionally furnished location, you’ll know you’re in for a rare treat. The seats have been painstakingly chipped from slabs of granite and covered with plush seal-skin, the tables are carved from soapstone, and the entire restaurant is filled with interesting xxx carvings. The atmosphere is cozy, but be sure to dress warmly though, as the temperature of the restaurant is kept to a chilly -5 degrees Celsius–just the way you’d expect it to be if you were living in Alert Bay, stationed at Baffin Cove, or banished to the Mackenize Polar Science Station.
You are “warmly” welcomed by the waiter who introduces himself as your guide. But unless you’ve spent some time in Iqaluit, Ammassalik, or Inuvik, you’ll need some help navigating through the sea of vowels and soft consonants that make up most items on the traditional Inuktittut menu (cleverly stitched from the dried, cured hides of Northern Muskox). Fortunately, English translations are also provided for those not ready for the linguistic challenge.
Even the cutlery is traditionally quaint! Unless you specifically ask for a fork and spoon, the table will come set with only a large curved whalebone knife, edged with iron that (your guide will suggest with a wink) came from the Franklin expedition.
But what about the food? Raw food enthusiasts will not be disappointed, as traditional Inuit cuisine is not cooked but enjoyed in situ.
As you’d expect, most items on the menu come from the sea (or the ice), and Oomluk’s prides itself on its freshness–most is harpooned the same day. Orca, otter, and mammoth steaks, a variety of fish sushi (but without the carbohydrate-heavy rice), and Shamu Shakesâ„¢ are the most popular items.
The menu is large and varied. Some favourites are the oogruk salad, the walrus flipper stew, and the eskimo gelato–flavoured with artificial reindeer urine. Salmonberries in seal oil go great on a slice of freshly-baked Eskimo pie. And in a nod to Western-style cooking, Oomluk’s also provides barbecued otter burgers (done with a traditional herring glaze), grizzlie strips, scrambled gull’s eggs, and dried caribou jerky. Just looking for blubber? Of course! Oomluk’s will serve it as an appetizer or a meal.
A special treat is the fresh liver, which the chef will tear out straight from the seal at your table. Eat it quickly, (while it’s still steaming), because that’s how you get your vitamin C and D! The narwhal bisque is always popular, with tundra onions–small delicate onions from the permafrost that take 40 years to grow, but only ten minutes to eat. And Beluga (the whale, not the caviar) is also available (in season), but be careful of the high levels of mercury and other industrial poisons.
Traditional Inuit cuisine isn’t big on salads, but Oomluk’s owner Nouursjkqllt is making concessions to those modern concerns for ‘healthy eating’.
“Inuit culture isn’t a museum piece,” said Nouursjkqllt. “We’re a living, breathing culture. Our traditions are alive, and so is our food. In adapting the Inuit way of approaching food for the vegetarian or vegan we’ve come up with several neo-authentic dishes that would satisfy both our ancestors and the most discerning connoisseur of saladery. Our seaweed in seal stomach is sure to become a classic, as will our guwalk’tuk’lt (which translates as: slime scraped from rock). Try it with the barnacle paste dressing.”
Oomluk’s is guaranteed to become a local fixture as gourmets will soon discover its tantalizing array of dishes. Prices are reasonable, and the entrées range from $10-$24. Reservations are recommended as seating is limited.
This article about Eskimo and Inuit fine dining is satire, and brought to you by The Toque, the world leader in eskimo and Inuit humour
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I wonder, would ‘Oomluk on Fourth’ really serve ottersteak, and what about otterliver? Yes, I know sealliver is a treat, but icebearliver isn’t because of high level of vitamin A.
where is this restaurant located?