Don't Be Snake-bitten With Other Expensive Snake Oils

These snake charmers are delighted with Marty Mountebank's patented Snake Oil.

You've tried all the other oils, but no matter what greasy suet you apply to your anhydrated anaconda, your bone-dry boa, or your sun-parched python, he still winds up drier than the hinges on a sidewalk gate.

"Most snakes are out in the sun all day long, baking on the rocks, and sifting through the sand and dirt," said Marty. "It's natural for your sun dried serpent to lose all his moisture in the dry, arid weather. And since your sidewinding buddy lacks the ability to re-lubricate himself naturally, it’s important to use a good snake oil."

Marty knows that a dried-out snake is about as much fun as powdered milk on cereal, which is why he is in the snake oil business. Marty believes that his snake oil is exactly what your creaky coral snake needs to keep on slithering smoothly.

"A rattlesnake with a rusty rattle isn’t much good to anyone," said Marty. "But add a drop or two of my patented snake oil, and that rattler will be shaking faster than a mariachi musician with a tequila dependency."

Marty, who has been selling to snake charmers for fifteen years, believes in his product. He knows how important it is to keep your snake's coils clean, his scales soft, and his skin supple.

"You should oil and lube your snake at least once a month," suggested Marty. "Our oil will keep your slinking friend from sticking to the hot pavement. In fact, our snake oil is so slick you'll never need to pay for expensive underside coatings again."

Marty's snake oil is guaranteed to keep your cobra striking lightning-fast, and will keep your snake's jaws so loose and flexible as to be able to swallow a pot-bellied pig--or perhaps your neighbour's annoying dashchund.