Canadian Tire ATMs will be money in (or out of) the bank.

Although Canadian Tire Money only has denominations from five cents to two dollars, the tenderly legal bills are physically smaller than regular Canadian bills, and much lighter than coins of the same denomination.

“We feel they usually take less room in a person’s wallet or pocket than that other money,” said Rolph McTeer, part-time financial analyst and full-time tire specialist. “Who carries fifty-dollar bills on them now anyway? But everyone always has a pocketful of change weighing them down, wearing holes in their slacks, and putting far too much pressure on their belts.”

“By using Canadian Tire money instead of that other ‘funny-money’ not only are Canadians being more patriotic," said McTeer, "but they’re reducing wear on pocket seams, and avoiding the hurt stare of those dirty panhandlers who can hear the change jangling in your pocket.”