Prestigious Timber University is a leading lumberjack institution.

In fact, Canadian research claims that forestry currently ranks fourth, next to mining, fishing, and iceberg harvesting.

And while the next generation of bright, young students is developing their skills in sustainable forestry, tree-planting, and environmental sciences, there remains the need for expertise in traditional tree management techniques.

That's why long-established institutions such as the Canadian College of Lumberjacking Timber University are important and necessary centers of learning in the critical development of Canadian forest professionals.

With an enhanced and updated curriculum, Timber University is well-poised to lead the way into the 22nd Century, just as soon as they finish with the 21st Century.

The three-year earthy education program includes necessary lumberjacking skills such as Axe Throwing, Axe Retrieving, Bacon Frying, Syrup Studies, and Suspender Fastening. Students can choose electives such as Log Birling or Log Balancing, depending on the track they choose.

Traditional courses include Pole Climbing, Pole Descending, Saw Sharpening, Woodchuck Chucking, Woodchipping, and Advanced Flannel Weaving.

"He's a Lumberjack, and he's okay!" --Monty Python

In the third year Advanced chainsaw techniques are explored, from both theoretical and practical perspectives. Boiling Drinking Water and Making Coffee Over A Campfire were considered for deletion with the growth of the bottled water industry and the number of nearby Starbucks, even in the deep woods, but the traditionalists have prevailed—for now. However, Carving and Whittling was removed from the course selection due to falling interest

But not all courses are about which mackinaw is right for the job. With the growth of the environmental movement new courses in the curriculum include Finding Nails In Trees, How To Legally Run Over A Long-Haired Hippie Protestor, Ramming Through Roadblocks, and Finding and Removing Tree-Huggers Squatting In Old-Growth Trees.

Lumberjacking is an important trade for Canada, and lumberjacks (and lumberjills) are a key element in the success of the timber and forest industries. Developing the next generation of woodsmen and woodswomen is in good hands with Timber University.

Upon graduation, and after tossing their woolen toques into the air, students can expect to find jobs hewing wood...unless the Americans impose more tariffs.

The Toque is the world leader in Canadian humour, parody, and lumberjack satire! Of course you realize that this piece of lumberjacking satire is fictitious, and only intended for entertainment purposes. Copyright The Toque (this year).

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