Creative Canadians Combat Climate Change

Pools are too much trouble!

While many are content to turn up the air conditioning or head to cooler climates (Iqaluit, Alert Bay, Superman's Fortress Of Solitude), other resourceful Canadians do their best to adapt to the heat while maintaining comfort and control of their environment.

Swimming Pools

Swimming pools require a lot of work to maintain, they have a short season, and they're expensive to operate. None of these factors makes owning a swimming pool even remotely worthwhile. Friends with pools are usually pretentious and boring and will force you to drink wine coolers, and public pools are so full of chlorine that it can turn a well-tanned woman into an albino in less than an hour. Instead, Canadians prefer their watersports with water balloons, water sprinklers, and combat squirt weapons filled with ice water.

Beergaritas

A beergarita is a beer that has started to freeze and has that semi-frozen ice slush throughout the bottle. Typically this is achieved when you place warm beer in your freezer to cool it off, but you leave it in just a little bit too long. Now, if the beer isn't too frozen, you can pour the slushy beer into a margarita glass (straw optional) and fight the heat with your fancy new beer drink.

Kiddies Pools

Kiddies pools, unlike swimming pools are a great source of enjoyment and fun, and sometimes the kids are allowed to use them as well. Now it doesn't make sense to fill a kiddie play pool with beer, but if you keep them in the bottles, half-fill the pool with cold water, and throw in a couple of bags of ice, you will have a nice place to keep the beer cold, and also provide you with a way to cool off your tootsies (those would be your toes). Advanced drinkers can also play a refreshing game of beer bobbing, a challenging activity where one submerges his head in the water to retrieve a beer with his teeth. This game, which requires great tolerance to the cold (a cinch for Canadians), often causes brain-freeze, which usually occurs when you eat ice cream (or beergaritas) too fast.

Passive Activities

Nothing will help you keep cooler than doing nothing. While being athletic and active might be good for your health, it's not going to keep you cool, unless you're going to Stick & Puck at the local arena. Instead, stay indoors, preferably in a basement, and watch movies, sports, and infomercials on must-have cooking gadgets. If you watch cool Wintery movies like Ice Age, The Polar Express, or even It's A Wonderful Life, you'll get the impression that it's much colder than it really is, which will help trick you into feeling cooler.

While Canadians may not be entirely acclimatized to the season of Summer, at least there are ways to combat the intrusive heat--even if it's only hot for a few weeks out of the year.