Joan Rivers Thawed For Television Appearance

Joan Rivers, who recently appeared on "The View", has been entertaining for hundreds of years thanks to cryogenics.

Ms. Rivers, whose delightful sarcastic wit has been entertaining audiences for centuries, was thawed two hours prior to the airing of the Barbara Walters, just in time to be dressed-up, made-up, and programmed.

The Guardian Council, rumoured to be secretly responsible for all television programming decisions, selected Joan Rivers over many other cryogenically preserved hosts such as Ed Sullivan, Steve Allen, Dennis Miller, and Mary Hart. The practice of preserving celebrities was determined to be the best way of prolonging a celebrity's delicate career, and has been proven to be effective for Joan Rivers.

Scientists believe that, if properly maintained, Joan Rivers could probably continue to host television until the end of the 26th Century, as long as her material can hold out.

It is believed that the ageless female personality was last revived in 1985, to fill in for robo-animatronic Tonight Show host Johnny Carson when he had a software virus.

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