Put That In Your Pipe And Smoke It

Many are addicted to Plumber's Crack

The pay might be good, but plumbers are under constant pressure, which is why many of them look to escape from their murky worlds by using mind-altering drugs. Their drug of choice of course is Plumber's Crack, a special combination of cocaine and drain cleaner, usually brewed in bathtubs or semi-sanitized toilet bowls.

Plumber's Crack is normally smoked in pipes, however sometimes plumbers will fill up sinks with boiling hot water, mix in packets of Plumber's Crack, cover their heads with bathtowels and breathe in the vapours in a method known as "free-basin". Cigarettes and marijuana have also been known to be laced with Plumber's Crack, which the plumbers like to call "elbow joints". This is a variation on the dangerous "Roofer's Reefer", hand-made cigarettes mixed with tar and bits of crushed asphalt shingles.

"It unclogs my mind", said Eddie Swirl, journeyman plumber and a big fan of Journey. "After a full two-hour day of cleaning shower heads and emptying sink traps, I need a way to filter out the problems of my grueling, high-paying job. Usually, I'll smoke some Plumber's Crack and follow that with a shot of Toilet Jack Daniels."

Eddie admitted that he was only a casual user of Plumber's Crack, and although smoking the drug did calm his nerves most of the time, there were instances of paranoia and anxiety created when he did too much, and he would hallucinate, visualizing himself being strangled by a plumber's snake that had come to life.

Medical professionals warn that Plumber's Crack isn't going to fix their problems, but then, those same professionals can't even fix their own problems with do-it-yourself manuals and parts bought from Home Depot, hoping to save money on plumbing repairs so that they have more to spend on their own drugs.