I think it's about time Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences got their act together and revamped their Oscar categories to match up with today's real viewers--categories like: "Best Nude Scene For An Actress Under 40 Not Just Showing Some Nudity To Revitalize Her Dying Career", "Most Tolerable Chick Movie That Guys Are Most Likely To Watch With Their Girlfriends", or "Best Comedy Without Having To Star Will Ferrell". Sure there's the People's Choice awards for "us" to decide who should win, but we all know that these awards are rigged anyhow (thank you Marissa Tomei). What the world needs is a way to really measure who deserves what accolades (that's credit, not some new Ford) for what movie, film, or animation, without all the circus hype surrounding it, although everyone loves a good circus, and we'd still see more of them if it weren't for those damned animal rights activists!

Maybe if we used some legitimate indicators to determine the Academy Award winners, like box-office receipts, or maybe instead of the receipts, just count up how much money they made, and the movie with the highest sales total wins. However, the money earned at the theatres is only a small portion of the whole movie audience when you consider how many people still sneak in through the back door, like we did for The Road Warrior, or those people who park outside of the drive-ins and watch the movies with their binoculars and read the lips of the actors (hint: it's a lot easier if it's a foreign movie with subtitles).

Even better yet, why not take a tally of all the people who download the movies off of the Internet? That's probably a more realistic indicator--after all, anyone can throw ten dollars at a movie, although they're more likely to hand it to the cashier, but to download a movie, you not only have to spend a couple of hours watching the film, you have to spend a few more waiting for it to download. So truly, you have more time invested in that movie than the random couple (not random meaning two people who don't know each other just show up at the cinema) who picks a movie by spending thirty seconds studying the posters while standing in the theatre line-up, although in all fairness, there are some pretty nice posters out there.

Yes, there's already the Internet Movie Database, but you have to take the time to register, log-in, pick out the movie, and then vote on it, and well, that's just too many confusing steps for people who just want to stare at their computer monitors and pretend that they don't see the "this movie is the property of..." message across the top of their recently downloaded movie feature.

Seriously, we're living in the Digital Age, and even if Max Headroom is still twenty minutes ahead of us, he probably understands what I'm trying to communicate. At least, with the Internet, you can watch some of these strategically-released Academy Award movies before they win their fancy awards.

No, instead of letting these Academy members do all their voting and tallying, they should let the people and the Internet providers decide what movie deserves the "best picture" award. After all, the Academy Awards aren't some popularity contest...oh wait, yes they are.