Hollow Chocolate Rabbit Leaves Me Hollow On The Inside

Hollw Chocolate Bunny!

But that all came crashing down like the buzz off of a Starbucks 4-shot mocha, after I spent one Easter at my grandparents', where, two nicely arranged Easter baskets were waiting for my sister and I, and beside them, standing in front of us like two magical chocolate creatures straight out of Alice In Wonderland, were two giant chocolate bunnies sealed in a clear plastic covering.

Now, we were mildly prepared for some disappointment as we knew the colourfully decorated eggs in the baskets were in fact just painted hard-boiled eggs (no satisfaction there). But nothing had prepared me for the disappointment in discovering that these foot-high chocolate bunny that had made my eyes bulge out like a Looney Tunes wolf spotting the gams on a 1950's pin-up girl were hollow!

I should've guessed, after lifting up one of the rabbits, that it had felt a little lighter than it should. But I had assumed that some revolutionary chocolate technology had made it lighter and easier to handle. After taking little or no time to remove the rabbit from it's plastic sarcophagus, I quickly broke off an ear off this hairless hare, and discovered to my own shock that this rabbit was nothing but a shell!

What sort of cruel deception was this? What I had originally assumed was a cache of chocolate that should last me until well in August was only an empty chocolate husk, with barely enough chocolate substance to carry me through the weekend. The shock registered on my face could not be described, because I was only six and I didn't have the vocabulary for it...

Whoever invented these foul hollow chocolate Easter bunnies, eggs, and other festive chocolate facades should've been stoned to death with Easter Creme Eggs. After that one disappointing Easter experience, I never looked upon this kid's holiday with the same thrill and excitement. In the years following I made sure to ensure my parents stuck to the basics, and gave me armloads of those little foil-wrapped eggs. Because I knew that those were solid through-and-through, and no parent could really keep track of how many of those little eggs you really ate around Easter.

I'm thinking that there should be some sort of Easter legislation to ban hollow chocolate products altogether. It's a reasonable goal. After all, they brought back the Shamrock Shake.