Floyd Barber, Motivational Warehouse Supervisor
Who in the hell wrapped my Volvo in bubble-wrap? I know it was one of you wise-assed smart-alecks in shipping, because no one else would know how to tape the bloody corners!
You think this is funny, don’t you? You think that you can just go around using warehouse supplies for your own personal amusement? It’s about time you learned to respect authority.
That $4.75 is coming out of your paycheque, and unless one of you shitbeans confesses to this, I’m going to make the whole lot of you takes a short trip to Suspension City, where you’re be staying at the Leave-Without-Pay Lodge.
Your excuses are pathetic, and you can collude all you like, but you’re not going to be able to get that shit to stand on all-fours. You might as well tell me who did it, because I’m going to transport you all to the World of Hurt, and nobody’s bringing a bandage.
Should I be insulted that you think me about as smart as a milking stool? Well I’ve got a Ph.D. in mindfucking and you’re about to get a lesson. Perhaps you’re reconsider your position now, before I really get upset.
Oh sure, it’s okay to have fun–on your own time, and at your own expense. I didn’t get to be in management without a little something called “people skills.” But when we filled the boss’s car with shredded newspaper back when I was a warehouse lackey, we had our laugh, and then we cleaned it up!
You might want to think about that when you’re circling the bathroom attendant postings in the classified section.
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