These neglected teeth are riddled with tooth bugs.

Your parents may have warned you about tooth bugs, those little molar-dwelling critters that thrive on the sugar deposits on your teeth. These gritty parasites feed off of your dental ignorance. They eat away at the enamel, leaving holes in your teeth that tooth bugs use to deposit their eggs.

Without proper brushing, tooth bugs can infest your mouth like hungry termites on a rotten log.

Special exterminating toothpastes created by Crest, Colgate, and Raid have proven to be effective against tooth bugs, but while traditional brushing methods are moderately effective against getting rid of tooth bugs on the surface, more potent solutions are required to get to the tougher reticent tooth bugs, the ones that wedge themselves into the grooves between your teeth, and deep into your gums.

Many tooth bugs are able to elude those who employ casually brushing techniques, by tucking themselves into the safe recesses of a cavity. If not treated in a timely manner, tooth bugs will bore their way through the roots of teeth and into the brain of your innocent child.

That's why dentists and pest control professionals agree that the best way to prevent tooth bugs is to brush daily, floss regularly, and rinse with powerful antiseptic/insecticide mouthwashes--potent formulas that kill germs, reduce plaque deposits, and eradicate tooth bugs.

In extreme cases, special mouthguards can be worn to deter the infestation of tooth bugs, and monthly mouth sprayings can reduce the risk of further infiltrations. Special tooth bug nets have also been designed, but make eating and drinking difficult at the very least.

New laser techniques have proven effective in zapping away the unwanted mouth pests, but it's hard finding talented technicians with decent aim.

Parents shouldn't fear about having their children associate with other children who have tooth bugs. While it is a small question of hygiene, toothbugs aren't contagious, unless deep kissing is involved. However, a child who tries to go to bed without brushing is just inviting tooth bugs.

But should we be worried that tooth bugs will wash over us like a swarm of locusts foretelling the Apocalypse? No. Just remember, when it comes to strong tooth bug dental hygiene, prevention is always the key. Tell your kids to keep their mouths shut at all times.

This story about tooth bugs is brought to you by The Toque,
the world leader in dental parody, satire, and humor.