They’ll Squat Wherever They Please
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| Scooter Riley, a squatting advocate, openly defies one of the local “No Squatting” signs. |
VANCOUVER– Citizens are openly defying “No Squatting” signs around the city in a series of recent protests. Many of those who like to sit in a crouch-like position with their knees bent and their butts resting on their heels are appalled at the ridiculous new by-law.
“That ‘No Loitering’ by-law at the mall was bullsh*t,” said Scooter Riley, a young Vancouver resident and advocate for peoples’ rights, “but now they’ve gone too far with this ‘No Squatting’ thing. I can squat anytime I want. Look I’m squatting right now.”
“This law is just silly,” said Sally Robinson, 16. “And it’s prejudiced against women. If a man needs to pee, and there’s no bathroom around, no problem. But if a woman is in the same predicament, she’s forced to squat. That’s just not right.”
Forty-five “No Squatting” signs have been erected throughout the city. Many are out in front of the abandoned railroad, and several more have been fastened to the sides of the old Woodward’s department store–which is condemned.
“I don’t see why anyone would want to squat around that area anyway,” said Sally. “It smells funny, and it’s not safe, because that old building could collapse at any time.”
Several “squatters” demonstrated their displeasure of the by-law by squatting in front of city hall. The protest only lasted for about 20 minutes because most started to complain about sore muscles and knees, and poor blood circulation to the legs. There was even one report of cramping.
“This city is turning into a police state,” rallied Scooter. “What next? No kneeling? No sitting cross-legged? Eventually, the only thing they’re going to allow is prostration–on the ground in front of city hall!”
The squatters briefly considered taking over the abandoned Woodward’s building to raise their voice against the by-law, but they agreed that it would probably be too dangerous.
This article about squatters is intended for humor and satire purposes, and brought to you by the chronic squatting squad from The Toque
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