These Are Not The Teddys You Want To See In The Bedroom

Wolfe Eisnek has no chance of scoring because of all these stuffed animals on his girlfriend's bed.

Jody loves her inanimate pets, and is very protective of her snuggable collection. In fact, each animal has its own special location on her bed. With most of the space taken up by the stuffed menagerie, she has only a small corner on her bed where she can sleep.

This arrangement has made it difficult for Wolfe to "make his move." (Wolfe lives with his parents, and has absolutely no privacy of his own).

"There's a hundred frickin' animals on her bed," exclaimed Wolfe. "She's even got names and adoption certificates for each and every one of them. It's like an overdose of plush."

Jody refuses to relocate any of her stuffed animals, claiming that each has its own special energy, and rearranging even one of them would disrupt the harmony of the rest.

She got her first stuffed animal, "Treasure Bear," from her grandmother when she was nine. She got so much joy out of the first one that her family continued to buy them for her on special occasions. Even when she graduated, her father bought her a used Honda Civic, but buckled into the passenger seat was a stuffed black gorilla. Jody now has 117 plush animals in total.

Wolfe wouldn't mind seeing a few of those animals lose their stuffing.

"If a few--or fifty--of these things fell out the apartment window and landed in the back of a Goodwill truck, I wouldn't complain," said Wolfe. "The cuteness factor in [Jody's] bedroom is disarming, disturbing, and disabling...who could fool around with all those button-eyes looking at you?"

Wolfe is considering buying Jody a cot, an air mattress, or even better, a hide-a-bed...anything that will improve his chances for love.

"I've got my own furry animal I'd like her to play with," chuckled Wolfe.